There are many mistakes I've made in life, many times I've jumped too quickly or not contained my initial reaction well enough to avoid repercussions. Generally I try not to regret my actions or their consequences as I believe that life is built on a balance of positives and negatives, and that the art of life is to have shades and contours.
That said, there have been things I have done and said in my life that I deeply regret because of the pain they have caused others. I carry these moments in the back of my mind always and sometimes have to fight the temptation to contact someone out of the blue to apologise for something that happened ten years ago. But I still carry that feeling of unfinished business because I never apologised to the level I feel I should have.
My dad tells me to not hold on to the past so much, to live and let live so to speak but that's where he and I are very different creatures.
The demons I live with aren't drink or drugs but the echoes of my memories, the apologies and the should haves. To be able to go back and explain my thinking (or lack of) to someone in the right moment, that's my selfish self-centred wish.
I can blame being autistic as much as I want but that doesn't excuse all actions, it's not a get out of jail free card. No matter how difficult I may find it to put myself in others shoes that doesn't mean I shouldn't try at times, that doesn't mean I should get away with not thinking about what I know about someone before reacting.
There are many times in life that I've taken difficulties and times of stress and made them into things that I've learnt from, things that have built me but there have also been tines that have chipped at me, that eat me up from the inside and take me two steps backwards.
I've always been a "lazy achiever" - got by in school because the concepts made sense to me, school level work came naturally and easily. But when I had to really work for something I struggled, I stuck my head in the metaphorical sand and procrastinated on things that shouldn't have been my priority, often things that helped others giving me a sense of achievement and satisfaction to mask my growing anxiety about whatever it was I was avoiding.
I know some hard conversations lay ahead of me and it's time to face the music on a few choices I've made recently, even if I didn't consciously realise I was making a choice at the time.
I hope I look back on this period of life as a building block to the person I become, and not an echo I can never shake.
Sunday 24 September 2017
Thursday 21 September 2017
Sarries in Philly!!!!!
There was a lot said about this fixture when it was first announced, mostly negative and critical. And yes, the crowd was a bit thin on the ground and the boys had to work incredibly hard in the humid heat of Pennsylvania but that's not the core of this fixture.
The heart of what the Premiership were trying to do was, in my opinion, achieved.
I spent time before the match with Sarries fans from New York and Virginia Beach, with Newcastle fans who'd struggled with JFK C&I even worse than me, with life long rugby fans and relatively new ones.
I was lucky enough to be in contact with BT Sport this weekend, and thus got asked to be a part of the pre-game filming with Sarra Elgan. She made sure to speak to two of the USA based Sarries fans who were with us before the 'lone' Falcon in the group (he wasn't, just the only one willing and around to be filmed!) and then lil ole me!
I'd already talked to Sarra earlier in the day when we'd encountered her at the famous Rocky steps by the Philadelphia Museum of Art and had had the chance to have a decent chat with the BT Sport team and even a quick photo with ref JP Doyle when he randomly appeared!
Consequently I found myself kinda becoming the face of Sarries support in Philly - even more so when the Saracens social media team got me to do a good luck message to the boys on Instagram because Paul told them I could "talk for England"!!
I'm happy to do these things though because it's a subject I'm comfortable with, my public speaking reputation is good because I know the topics I talk about - autism, Saracens, space, physics, maths, working in a school, PRUs, all that is in my comfort zone. Ask me to talk about anything else and, well, it may not be pretty!
Back to the topic at hand now!
The match itself was not what you'd call the epitome of English rugby but it was very hot, bright, slippery ball conditions as the sun was setting across the stadium, and to be perfectly honest you're never gonna get the gold standard match in round 3! Maybe the next stage for the great American conversion is to get live showings of the ECC games and play-off matches going in big stadiums, sending a retired player or two over to do Q&As pre game.
My weekend wasn't just about the match though! I've detailed my Friday nightmare in this post: http://hjellis.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/how-many-ways-can-one-journey-go-wrong but once on Philly my attention shifted from my complaining to having a great time in a new and exciting city!
Friday night was spent at the Hard Rock Cafe in my new Wal-Mart dress whilst Saturday morning was taken up with lots of laughter and photographs at the Rocky steps - particularly once Flats got there and had to don a fleece lined tracksuit to copy Sly's famous scenes!
We chose to head to the stadium really early as we wanted to witness the American phenomenon of "tailgating" - an interesting experience I must say!
We covered the car with Sarries flags to let everyone know who we were (Champions of Europe, we know who we are!) and waited to see who showed up. We knew of at least 3 groups headed our way, one of whom pitched up a gazebo so we quickly transferred the flags to the sides and made it Camp Sarries!
The next hour or so was spent sharing drinks and swapping stories of how we started following Saracens along with some interesting tales from the US Navy! We were joined by some Falcons fans and I had some sympathetic ears to my tale of horror and woe from my journey out as they had missed a connection at JFK thanks to the ridiculous chaos that is US Customs & Immigration!!
We were invited to join the BT crew again and so wandered over to the fan zone they were setting up, where I got to have my 5 minutes of fame on camera! (And then get inundated with notifications going "was that you?" "You were on my TV!")
Heading in to the stadium it was a strange place that distinctly reminded us of several prem stadiums, predominately the AJ Bell and the Stoop to me.
The merchandise shop showcased just what some of us are crying out for Sarries to do - women's jewellery!! I picked up one of the official match day t-shirts as a souvenir but was disappointed not to find any of the 'America Series' rugby balls that had been used in the online advertising. We did however manage to find pins which kept Adam happy!
I also struggled with finding a drink that wasn't a soft drink or beer! Having had 2 bottles of peach cider courtesy of our naval friend I was in the mood for another drink. It took a complete circuit of the stadium to find the one bar that did a bottled cider - no wine or spirits options anywhere!! And even then I was given my bottle of cider poured into a massive larger-than-a-pint plastic glass that every time I drank from took up my entire face so I couldn't see anything!!
During the match it was a bizarrely quiet experience, I've grown used to the Sarries fans getting the chants going and there not being many of us meant anything we tried starting never really went anywhere which was a bit embarrassing!
The second half of the game saw several of the non-playing squad wander past us up the steps to their box area, Loz seemed positive about his shoulder injury when I asked him how it was doing which is good! There were some moments of Sarries brilliance showing through, I nearly killed my vocal chords screaming for Wiggy when he went sprinting towards the try line at one point!
Towards the end of the game I head over to the guys to see if they would be willing to have a quick photo with us and the flags, seeing as we had travelled rather a long way to support the club!! At this point the lovely Duncan Taylor was an absolute gent and got the others to hold fire for a few minutes on the final whistle to let us get a few snaps off quickly before they 'll hurtled down to the changing rooms for the tiki tonga session!
Sadly the game had been so hot, humid and exhausting that the lads only briefly waved and applauded the crowd on their quick circuit of the pitch, leaving me fairly deflated and my mind crashing back to that dark place I'd been in after the Edinburgh game in May.
We got out of the stadium fairly quickly after we realised they weren't going to be around any time soon due to PR commitments and probably a vast need for ice baths and physio treatments! Heading back to the hotel fairly knackered and finally reunited with a phone charger I was taken aback when the humid heat very suddenly gave way to a torrential downpour, the likes of which I've only ever seen once in Florida!
Getting back to the hotel I couldn't actually get out my side of the car due to the mini lake forming and had to slide over out the other door instead, suddenly encountering the strangest of sensations - hot rain! The air was still so warm and yet the water was pouring down at a rate of knots!! Very bizarre to an English girl used to rain meaning grey miserableness!
The return to the hotel also brought the unwelcome news that my suitcase hadn't shown up and so a call to the lost baggage number was needed in order to discover that it was in New York and should be getting to me that evening.
After a few hours of unwinding, dreading all the social media messages I'd received about my starring role and generally sorting out plans for the next day I headed off to bed via a quick check with downstairs that my bag still hadn't arrived.
The next morning dawned cooler and grey than before and there was a distinct feeling of dread in my stomach as I woke. Checking my Virgin Atlantic app to confirm when I needed to be at the airport I was horrified to see that my flight home was no longer what I had expected to see!
The flights I'd been booked on for months going home via JFK were no longer there and suddenly I was being flown home via Atlanta Georgia with Delta the whole way getting to Heathrow at 11am!!!
What the hell!!!
A frantic call to Virgin discovered that Delta had inexplicably changed my flights for me and just hadn't bothered to let me know! In tears and furious I demand it be changed back only to be told that my flight to Heathrow was now fully booked!! So in the 48hours between me last checking my homeward bound flight and that morning they'd sold on my seat!!!
I was beyond furious and internally panicking like a man at the gallows, how the hell was I getting home?!? I didnt want to go via Georgia, i barely wanted to go via JFK but had accepted it as a forgone conclusion. The last thing I wanted was more changes, more crap moving me about! I was supposed to go straight to work from landing at Heathrow which is why I'd picked at flight landing at 8am!!
Well, actually originally I'd picked one landing at 7.20am only for Delta to move the first flight later meaning I wouldn't have enough of a connecting time so I'd had to call Virgin back in July to switch to a slightly later departure. And now the bastards at Delta had changed things again!
Eventually we managed to get me on to a flight leaving JFK at 9.30pm, due to get to London around 9.30am. Okay, sorted. Now to find out where the hell my suitcase was!
It turns out it was still (this is Sunday 8am) in frigging JFK having gotten waylaid in customs and missed the last flight on Saturday!! So now my choice was to either ask for it to be returned to London and buy a new hold bag to put all my newly purchased items into to come home or to travel to the airport after 11am to collect it from there in person as there was now no time for it to be delivered to the hotel and me to pack it before we had to check out at 1pm!! I told them to hold it at Philly airport and we would come collect it before midday.
Flights and luggage now sorted we had breakfast and then got on the road to go see the Liberty Bell. It wasn't something that particularly interested me, I look on the independence stuff as historical proof of treason against the crown by a bunch of rebels but that's just me!
We spent some time wandering around the area and I found a way to spend some money in the Liberty hall shop - only I could go all the way to America to their most historical sites and come back with a glitter timer and a maths pendant!
Still, I did have a good laugh at this sign on one of the walls - I've found things older than that in my garden at home!!
A quick visit to the airport to collect my suitcase and we were back to the hotel to change and pack up. I could finally wear one of the outfits I had packed for the trip as everything else got thrown in and locked up again ready to go back to the airport!!
Dennys was our lunch stop choice and it was an interesting experience although I am very glad I went for the big meal of steak and mash given what was to come still!
I got dropped at the airport just after 2pm by the Feaseys as they were off to the British Airways terminal for international departure as they had just the one flight home, where as I was on an internal to JFK where I had a 3hr layover waiting for me!
The check in for my Delta flight threw up an unexpected problem however as their system was still showing me as on the Atlanta bound flight!! Another call to Virgin and handing my phone over to the Delta staff and eventually I got my boarding passes for the right flights!
Suitcase was now back out of my hands less than 4 hours after I'd been reunited with it and I was through security and sat at the gates bored.
Really really bored.
After all the stress and problems last time I'd given myself so much slack time that I was now left with over 90mins to my flight departure and nothing to do! I managed to waste a fair amount of time by finding a charge point and hooking my phone in before calling my mum and then my dad for long chats about the match but that would only work for this wait, by the time I got to JFK they would all be in bed.
The flight to New York was uneventful really, apart from being unexpectedly placed on an exit row! When we landed there was a delay with getting the connecting gate bridge thing to us and I joked to my neighbour that we were spending more time in the plane on the ground at JFK than we did in the air! He was headed for a Heathrow flight to as he was taking a trip to the UK so I shared some suggestions with him of historical sites to visit while there which he seemed to appreciate.
Finally off the plane I found myself at the gate for my next flight in about 30 minutes as there was no security to go through! Now I could see that the flight was already saying a 10pm departure so I had even longer to wait!
And this is where my luck changed.
Wandering around the gate area for the London departing flights who should I see in front of me but one Chris Wyles!
Oh my God, the team are here to fly home!!!
I couldn't believe it, suddenly I'm seeing and saying hi to guys like Wyles, Ben Spencer, Sean Maitland! I even had a brief chat with Sean saying how I thought it's unfair that he doesn't get the try to his tally as JP gave the penalty try because he could see Sean was clearly going to score when the illegal move was made! He agreed and told me he'd been screaming at Goodey to get it to him as he could see he could score it!
I had thought I was going to be so lonely and bored but instead I got this amazing gift of being able to casually spend some time with my favourite people!!
I didn't take any pictures that evening, I made a concious choice to not be a selfie fan who hassled them at that stage but to just talk to them for as long as they let me. Any time one of them said "take care" or "see you later" I would wander off again and leave that person alone. I think one or two of them found it bizarre and I know that a few found it amusing, I was outrightly saying that I was on my own and starved for conversation so was desperate just to see familiar faces! It was quite nice though when some of those faces recognised me back, I'd had a great conversation with Wiggy and his missus at the Bedford game so he recognised me as we chatted briefly, Brad also recognised me from holding the flag up at the end of the game, even saying sorry for not coming over but he was too sore to try to jump the electronics barrier the stadium had separating us from the pitch!
One of the best moments of my whole weekend came though when I saw Billy walking towards me. I asked him directly why he couldn't have released his new book in time for me to read on the flight to which he replied that he thought it was already out!!! No Bill, it's on sale next week! Then, the legend that he is goes and finds me one from one of the lads as they've all been given a copy!! I have Billy's book and it was given to me by the man himself!!!
I was so happy with this and even more so when some of the other players saw me carrying it and struck up conversation about it with me!! George Kruis even joked that it wouldn't take me long to read as it was in big font! Maro was also interested in it when I asked to shake his hand, as I told him, I didn't want to hassle any of them but I'd been trying to shake his hand for well over a year now with little success due to the massive crowds everywhere he goes!!
Maro was an absolute gentleman and had a wry, slightly embarrassed smile when I said that but was really chilled out about me being there talking to him and the others. Most of the team had started filtering through the gate by this point as their flight left ages before mine (Wiggy and Sean had both asked if I was on their flight which I was a bit gutted to say no to!) I made the mistake of asking for "tries to win next week please" in jest to Wyles and Liam as they were going to board and ahead in the queue Owen suddenly turned around to look at me - I'm not sure if he was just surprised by a non-teammate voice or took offence to what I said - I didn't mean anything against him scoring points from penalties!!
Watching some of the huge guys like Will Skelton put flight socks on and line up for sleeping tablets from the harried Laura was amusing, Goodey seemed in an especially happy mood given the lengthy flight ahead!
The funniest moment though was right at the end, I had thought the whole squad had been through by that point and I'd just missed seeing a few, the staff were looking like they were moving to close when suddenly several of them appear armed with McDonald's!! Schalla seemed to recognise me immediately as he sat down with his meal, joking away about the queue for food and laughing when I asked if they hadn't used the "don't you know who I am?" move! Apparently that barely works in England for our rugby boys!! The guys suddenly seemed to realise they were holding up the flight leaving when a staff member came to tell them that they could take their food on board if they wanted to! That didn't stop Schalla trying to give away his fries to the cleaner/me/the gate staff however!!!
As their gate finally closed and that flight departed I was left alone again but with rich, treasured memories of the past hour.
Unfortunately by this point it was far too late to call anyone in England to share them with!! A few dashed off tweets expressing my gratitude to the team before I turned my attention to Billy's book! It kept me entertained for quite a while before restlessness got to me and I had to start wandering again. Annoyingly my flight was now saying it was delayed again, with boarding not due to start until 9.45pm! I was getting rather frustrated at this point, especially as the main reason I wasn't on the team's flight was because I'd been told back in July that I wouldn't have enough time between the flights to make it . . . I clearly would have had plenty!!!!!
Eventually we boarded and then taxied. And taxied. And taxied. Just after 11pm we finally took off and left America!!
I had hoped for a good flight that I could sleep on seeing as I was going straight to work but no. I had a guy in front put his chair back straight away leaving me with restricted room, the guy next to me immediately put in earplugs/eye mask/blanket and go to sleep so I couldn't get out at all and two rows back in the aisle a screaming baby!!
By 9am BST, when I should have started work, when I would have been clearing Heathrow baggage claim originally I was still 617miles from landing and really rather grouchy!!
Still, as the rather stressful trip drew to a close I can look back on some incredible memories and, once my various complaints have been made and settled, forget all about the crap that happened and just remember that I was there and no-one can every take that away from me.
#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
The heart of what the Premiership were trying to do was, in my opinion, achieved.
I spent time before the match with Sarries fans from New York and Virginia Beach, with Newcastle fans who'd struggled with JFK C&I even worse than me, with life long rugby fans and relatively new ones.
I was lucky enough to be in contact with BT Sport this weekend, and thus got asked to be a part of the pre-game filming with Sarra Elgan. She made sure to speak to two of the USA based Sarries fans who were with us before the 'lone' Falcon in the group (he wasn't, just the only one willing and around to be filmed!) and then lil ole me!
Consequently I found myself kinda becoming the face of Sarries support in Philly - even more so when the Saracens social media team got me to do a good luck message to the boys on Instagram because Paul told them I could "talk for England"!!
Back to the topic at hand now!
The match itself was not what you'd call the epitome of English rugby but it was very hot, bright, slippery ball conditions as the sun was setting across the stadium, and to be perfectly honest you're never gonna get the gold standard match in round 3! Maybe the next stage for the great American conversion is to get live showings of the ECC games and play-off matches going in big stadiums, sending a retired player or two over to do Q&As pre game.
My weekend wasn't just about the match though! I've detailed my Friday nightmare in this post: http://hjellis.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/how-many-ways-can-one-journey-go-wrong but once on Philly my attention shifted from my complaining to having a great time in a new and exciting city!
Friday night was spent at the Hard Rock Cafe in my new Wal-Mart dress whilst Saturday morning was taken up with lots of laughter and photographs at the Rocky steps - particularly once Flats got there and had to don a fleece lined tracksuit to copy Sly's famous scenes!
We chose to head to the stadium really early as we wanted to witness the American phenomenon of "tailgating" - an interesting experience I must say!
We covered the car with Sarries flags to let everyone know who we were (Champions of Europe, we know who we are!) and waited to see who showed up. We knew of at least 3 groups headed our way, one of whom pitched up a gazebo so we quickly transferred the flags to the sides and made it Camp Sarries!
The next hour or so was spent sharing drinks and swapping stories of how we started following Saracens along with some interesting tales from the US Navy! We were joined by some Falcons fans and I had some sympathetic ears to my tale of horror and woe from my journey out as they had missed a connection at JFK thanks to the ridiculous chaos that is US Customs & Immigration!!
We were invited to join the BT crew again and so wandered over to the fan zone they were setting up, where I got to have my 5 minutes of fame on camera! (And then get inundated with notifications going "was that you?" "You were on my TV!")
Heading in to the stadium it was a strange place that distinctly reminded us of several prem stadiums, predominately the AJ Bell and the Stoop to me.
The merchandise shop showcased just what some of us are crying out for Sarries to do - women's jewellery!! I picked up one of the official match day t-shirts as a souvenir but was disappointed not to find any of the 'America Series' rugby balls that had been used in the online advertising. We did however manage to find pins which kept Adam happy!
I also struggled with finding a drink that wasn't a soft drink or beer! Having had 2 bottles of peach cider courtesy of our naval friend I was in the mood for another drink. It took a complete circuit of the stadium to find the one bar that did a bottled cider - no wine or spirits options anywhere!! And even then I was given my bottle of cider poured into a massive larger-than-a-pint plastic glass that every time I drank from took up my entire face so I couldn't see anything!!
During the match it was a bizarrely quiet experience, I've grown used to the Sarries fans getting the chants going and there not being many of us meant anything we tried starting never really went anywhere which was a bit embarrassing!
The second half of the game saw several of the non-playing squad wander past us up the steps to their box area, Loz seemed positive about his shoulder injury when I asked him how it was doing which is good! There were some moments of Sarries brilliance showing through, I nearly killed my vocal chords screaming for Wiggy when he went sprinting towards the try line at one point!
Towards the end of the game I head over to the guys to see if they would be willing to have a quick photo with us and the flags, seeing as we had travelled rather a long way to support the club!! At this point the lovely Duncan Taylor was an absolute gent and got the others to hold fire for a few minutes on the final whistle to let us get a few snaps off quickly before they 'll hurtled down to the changing rooms for the tiki tonga session!
Sadly the game had been so hot, humid and exhausting that the lads only briefly waved and applauded the crowd on their quick circuit of the pitch, leaving me fairly deflated and my mind crashing back to that dark place I'd been in after the Edinburgh game in May.
We got out of the stadium fairly quickly after we realised they weren't going to be around any time soon due to PR commitments and probably a vast need for ice baths and physio treatments! Heading back to the hotel fairly knackered and finally reunited with a phone charger I was taken aback when the humid heat very suddenly gave way to a torrential downpour, the likes of which I've only ever seen once in Florida!
Getting back to the hotel I couldn't actually get out my side of the car due to the mini lake forming and had to slide over out the other door instead, suddenly encountering the strangest of sensations - hot rain! The air was still so warm and yet the water was pouring down at a rate of knots!! Very bizarre to an English girl used to rain meaning grey miserableness!
The return to the hotel also brought the unwelcome news that my suitcase hadn't shown up and so a call to the lost baggage number was needed in order to discover that it was in New York and should be getting to me that evening.
After a few hours of unwinding, dreading all the social media messages I'd received about my starring role and generally sorting out plans for the next day I headed off to bed via a quick check with downstairs that my bag still hadn't arrived.
The next morning dawned cooler and grey than before and there was a distinct feeling of dread in my stomach as I woke. Checking my Virgin Atlantic app to confirm when I needed to be at the airport I was horrified to see that my flight home was no longer what I had expected to see!
The flights I'd been booked on for months going home via JFK were no longer there and suddenly I was being flown home via Atlanta Georgia with Delta the whole way getting to Heathrow at 11am!!!
What the hell!!!
A frantic call to Virgin discovered that Delta had inexplicably changed my flights for me and just hadn't bothered to let me know! In tears and furious I demand it be changed back only to be told that my flight to Heathrow was now fully booked!! So in the 48hours between me last checking my homeward bound flight and that morning they'd sold on my seat!!!
I was beyond furious and internally panicking like a man at the gallows, how the hell was I getting home?!? I didnt want to go via Georgia, i barely wanted to go via JFK but had accepted it as a forgone conclusion. The last thing I wanted was more changes, more crap moving me about! I was supposed to go straight to work from landing at Heathrow which is why I'd picked at flight landing at 8am!!
Well, actually originally I'd picked one landing at 7.20am only for Delta to move the first flight later meaning I wouldn't have enough of a connecting time so I'd had to call Virgin back in July to switch to a slightly later departure. And now the bastards at Delta had changed things again!
Eventually we managed to get me on to a flight leaving JFK at 9.30pm, due to get to London around 9.30am. Okay, sorted. Now to find out where the hell my suitcase was!
It turns out it was still (this is Sunday 8am) in frigging JFK having gotten waylaid in customs and missed the last flight on Saturday!! So now my choice was to either ask for it to be returned to London and buy a new hold bag to put all my newly purchased items into to come home or to travel to the airport after 11am to collect it from there in person as there was now no time for it to be delivered to the hotel and me to pack it before we had to check out at 1pm!! I told them to hold it at Philly airport and we would come collect it before midday.
Flights and luggage now sorted we had breakfast and then got on the road to go see the Liberty Bell. It wasn't something that particularly interested me, I look on the independence stuff as historical proof of treason against the crown by a bunch of rebels but that's just me!
We spent some time wandering around the area and I found a way to spend some money in the Liberty hall shop - only I could go all the way to America to their most historical sites and come back with a glitter timer and a maths pendant!
A quick visit to the airport to collect my suitcase and we were back to the hotel to change and pack up. I could finally wear one of the outfits I had packed for the trip as everything else got thrown in and locked up again ready to go back to the airport!!
Dennys was our lunch stop choice and it was an interesting experience although I am very glad I went for the big meal of steak and mash given what was to come still!
I got dropped at the airport just after 2pm by the Feaseys as they were off to the British Airways terminal for international departure as they had just the one flight home, where as I was on an internal to JFK where I had a 3hr layover waiting for me!
The check in for my Delta flight threw up an unexpected problem however as their system was still showing me as on the Atlanta bound flight!! Another call to Virgin and handing my phone over to the Delta staff and eventually I got my boarding passes for the right flights!
Suitcase was now back out of my hands less than 4 hours after I'd been reunited with it and I was through security and sat at the gates bored.
Really really bored.
After all the stress and problems last time I'd given myself so much slack time that I was now left with over 90mins to my flight departure and nothing to do! I managed to waste a fair amount of time by finding a charge point and hooking my phone in before calling my mum and then my dad for long chats about the match but that would only work for this wait, by the time I got to JFK they would all be in bed.
The flight to New York was uneventful really, apart from being unexpectedly placed on an exit row! When we landed there was a delay with getting the connecting gate bridge thing to us and I joked to my neighbour that we were spending more time in the plane on the ground at JFK than we did in the air! He was headed for a Heathrow flight to as he was taking a trip to the UK so I shared some suggestions with him of historical sites to visit while there which he seemed to appreciate.
Finally off the plane I found myself at the gate for my next flight in about 30 minutes as there was no security to go through! Now I could see that the flight was already saying a 10pm departure so I had even longer to wait!
And this is where my luck changed.
Wandering around the gate area for the London departing flights who should I see in front of me but one Chris Wyles!
Oh my God, the team are here to fly home!!!
I couldn't believe it, suddenly I'm seeing and saying hi to guys like Wyles, Ben Spencer, Sean Maitland! I even had a brief chat with Sean saying how I thought it's unfair that he doesn't get the try to his tally as JP gave the penalty try because he could see Sean was clearly going to score when the illegal move was made! He agreed and told me he'd been screaming at Goodey to get it to him as he could see he could score it!
I had thought I was going to be so lonely and bored but instead I got this amazing gift of being able to casually spend some time with my favourite people!!
I didn't take any pictures that evening, I made a concious choice to not be a selfie fan who hassled them at that stage but to just talk to them for as long as they let me. Any time one of them said "take care" or "see you later" I would wander off again and leave that person alone. I think one or two of them found it bizarre and I know that a few found it amusing, I was outrightly saying that I was on my own and starved for conversation so was desperate just to see familiar faces! It was quite nice though when some of those faces recognised me back, I'd had a great conversation with Wiggy and his missus at the Bedford game so he recognised me as we chatted briefly, Brad also recognised me from holding the flag up at the end of the game, even saying sorry for not coming over but he was too sore to try to jump the electronics barrier the stadium had separating us from the pitch!
One of the best moments of my whole weekend came though when I saw Billy walking towards me. I asked him directly why he couldn't have released his new book in time for me to read on the flight to which he replied that he thought it was already out!!! No Bill, it's on sale next week! Then, the legend that he is goes and finds me one from one of the lads as they've all been given a copy!! I have Billy's book and it was given to me by the man himself!!!
I was so happy with this and even more so when some of the other players saw me carrying it and struck up conversation about it with me!! George Kruis even joked that it wouldn't take me long to read as it was in big font! Maro was also interested in it when I asked to shake his hand, as I told him, I didn't want to hassle any of them but I'd been trying to shake his hand for well over a year now with little success due to the massive crowds everywhere he goes!!
Maro was an absolute gentleman and had a wry, slightly embarrassed smile when I said that but was really chilled out about me being there talking to him and the others. Most of the team had started filtering through the gate by this point as their flight left ages before mine (Wiggy and Sean had both asked if I was on their flight which I was a bit gutted to say no to!) I made the mistake of asking for "tries to win next week please" in jest to Wyles and Liam as they were going to board and ahead in the queue Owen suddenly turned around to look at me - I'm not sure if he was just surprised by a non-teammate voice or took offence to what I said - I didn't mean anything against him scoring points from penalties!!
Watching some of the huge guys like Will Skelton put flight socks on and line up for sleeping tablets from the harried Laura was amusing, Goodey seemed in an especially happy mood given the lengthy flight ahead!
The funniest moment though was right at the end, I had thought the whole squad had been through by that point and I'd just missed seeing a few, the staff were looking like they were moving to close when suddenly several of them appear armed with McDonald's!! Schalla seemed to recognise me immediately as he sat down with his meal, joking away about the queue for food and laughing when I asked if they hadn't used the "don't you know who I am?" move! Apparently that barely works in England for our rugby boys!! The guys suddenly seemed to realise they were holding up the flight leaving when a staff member came to tell them that they could take their food on board if they wanted to! That didn't stop Schalla trying to give away his fries to the cleaner/me/the gate staff however!!!
As their gate finally closed and that flight departed I was left alone again but with rich, treasured memories of the past hour.
Unfortunately by this point it was far too late to call anyone in England to share them with!! A few dashed off tweets expressing my gratitude to the team before I turned my attention to Billy's book! It kept me entertained for quite a while before restlessness got to me and I had to start wandering again. Annoyingly my flight was now saying it was delayed again, with boarding not due to start until 9.45pm! I was getting rather frustrated at this point, especially as the main reason I wasn't on the team's flight was because I'd been told back in July that I wouldn't have enough time between the flights to make it . . . I clearly would have had plenty!!!!!
Eventually we boarded and then taxied. And taxied. And taxied. Just after 11pm we finally took off and left America!!
I had hoped for a good flight that I could sleep on seeing as I was going straight to work but no. I had a guy in front put his chair back straight away leaving me with restricted room, the guy next to me immediately put in earplugs/eye mask/blanket and go to sleep so I couldn't get out at all and two rows back in the aisle a screaming baby!!
By 9am BST, when I should have started work, when I would have been clearing Heathrow baggage claim originally I was still 617miles from landing and really rather grouchy!!
Still, as the rather stressful trip drew to a close I can look back on some incredible memories and, once my various complaints have been made and settled, forget all about the crap that happened and just remember that I was there and no-one can every take that away from me.
#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
Saturday 16 September 2017
How many ways can one journey go wrong?!?!
I dont know what deity I pissed off recently to deserve a day like today!
My day started smoothly, I woke in the Park Inn hotel near Heathrow where I'd checked in last night, the room was an upgrade to the one of reserved (yay) but seemed to have the remnants of someone's coffee in it (boo). Still I'd had food (at the bar as the restaurant had a 45min wait for a table for one!) and had a lovely bath before painting my nails the Sarries colours and finalising what was in suitcase or hand luggage.
I'd missed a hotel hoppa bus by a minute due to the check out desk being busy but I thought with over 2 hours to departure I would be fine.
I'd tried the night before to check in using the Virgin Atlantic app on my phone but had failed so I needed to check in at the main desks, this didn't really bother me until the kiosk rejected my check in and told me to speak to someone.
That someone then typed in my details, got a confused look and took me over to the customer service helpdesk where things got, uh, difficult.
It's turns out that despite lengthy conversations with Virgin Atlantic over the past 4 months (since I changed my flight from an L.A. holiday to this trip to Philly) including one as recently as this week via their websites 'chat' function about using my airmiles to fly home premium economy (they told me there was no availability) no-one mentioned that there was an outstanding balance to pay still!!
Now, bare in mind that I had booked these flights by phone in May, at the time I called to change my reservations I distinctly remember being told a figure (the different in flight prices plus and admin fee) and giving the person my card details!!
And yet I'm standing in Heathrow with my flight leaving in less than 2hours being told my ticket won't print as I haven't paid for all of it!!
I was not happy. In fact I very nearly tumbled straight into a panic induced meltdown on the spot!
I stammered about having paid at the time but in the end just handed over my card knowing that the only way I was getting to America today was to pay and argue for a refund later when I can get a May bank statement.
Of course this brought the usual panic around whether my card would go through! Even knowing I had enough in the account I still really sorry with large amounts and get super nervous that it will reject if my bank thinks it's fraud!
So, card handed over should be end of story right?
No
The lady on the desk was coordinating the problem with another member of the Virgin team off site somewhere (their HQ I think) and was being put on hold constantly, told to cancel things she had done until they'd done something, I got very confused and distressed at this point so don't remember clearly.
What I do remember is looking at the clock constantly with the lovely first lady reassuring me that there was plenty of time. By 7.55am I could see she was starting to worry about making my 9.05 flight though. She very helpfully went to get me a glass of water to take a painkiller with as I'd ditched my liquids already!
Bag drop was due to close at 8.10am. The clock kept ticking as this hold music played . . .
Eventually the person on the line gave the go ahead for me tickets to be printed and the lovely desk lady did them as quickly as possible for me, printing at 8.12!
A dash to bag drop then with the first lady, she'd called over to a colleague to not close my flight for me! I then left my suitcase sat next to a check in desk with 2 others and some Heathrow staff who were to take them to my flight as late arrivals authorised to go on.
I was then hurried through to the First Class security where I said goodbye to the wonderful woman who'd been with me for almost an hour at this point, having got me through security in less than 5 minutes!
A quick march to the already open gate with no time to stop to have breakfast, use the ladies or even buy a bottle of water and I was in a queue to board!!
The staff on the flight could not have been nicer to me! They spotted my obvious distress (I'd been crying for close to 45 minutes on and off) and when I told them I'm autistic they just asked what I needed - I replied a drink to which they asked what I wanted!
After that the main staff member for my section in economy (a lady called Jemma) came over to say hi and have a chat before take-off. We discussed the mornings events and how I was still fairly shaky at this point but that I loved flying so was hoping to be okay soon.
By this point boarding had finished and the doors were locked . . . No-one was sat next to me!!! The day is looking up!!
The flight itself was lovely, the first staff member I spoke to brought me my vodka cranberry almost immediately and I started to settle down.
6 hours of in-flight wi-fi goodness later and I was starting to get nervous again though.
I had to change to a connecting flight at JFK, something I'd never done before, as Virgin don't fly to Philadelphia direct. Jemma again was brilliant in reassuring me and talking through what I would have to do once off the plane, she even offered to get some of the ground staff to meet me and guide me through.
Getting off the plane (and leaving my iPad in the seat pocket as I would realise hours later!) I was a bit nervous, being at the back of the plane is great for my wing watching habit but not so good for a speedy exit on disembarking!!
Eventually I got off the plane but discovered that the ground staff were not nearly as helpful as Jemma was, she tried to get the "assist" staff to help me but was told they "only do wheelchairs" and wouldn't help me. After a few minutes I decided to just give up and thanked Jemma for her efforts saying I was going to give it a go by myself.
Well, Jemma had said to follow certain signs as I had a connecting flight in under 2 hours but when I got to the C&I hall is was utter chaos!
I tried to ask staff members for help but they were so ridiculously unhelpful! On man I asked for help just told me to "go elsewhere"!
Eventually I figured out the machines system and then had to join a long snaking queue that was merging with queues of people trying to use the machines! I end up stood for ages near a family with a toddler and a baby, both of whom were being rather grizzly.
As we slowly shuffled about I got to a point where I could see a staff member manning the queue. I tried to speak to him to ask the estimated time to get through but ended up catching the attention if a female staff member instead.
By this point I was very stress and on the verge of tears and close to losing my words completely.
I tried to ask her what the chances of me making my flight we're, holding my boarding pass to display the boarding/departure times as I was getting so flustered.
I was met with a distinctly snide "ma'am if you want me to help you jump the queue then get that boarding pass outta my face"
I tried to say I wasn't asking to jump just for a time approximation and that I was autistic. She turned her back on me, opened the tape and pointed me to a queue at customs kiosk saying "go"
So I joined that queue, now with tears trickling and my stress scratching moving from my arms to my upper chest/neck.
I was then joined almost immediately by the bloody family with the young kids who stood behind me talking in their language (one of the Slavic languages I think) while the baby did that half-whimper, half-cry thing.
I was sensory flinching every few minutes at this point and whispering to myself to stay calm and not react but it was getting harder and harder.
Over an hour after getting off the plane and having skipped huge chunks of queues, I was next in line for the customs officer. The lady at the desk completed her business and moved through but the officer was typing on his computer so I didn't move. I felt a nudge in my back. I didn't move. I've been shouted at by American officers before for moving forward before called! The officer then looked up and beckoned me forward so I went.
At his desk he was fairly sunny and pleasant but he made the mistake of asking me if I was okay and the flood gates opened then and soon I was crying nearly uncontrollably as I explained my flight was already boarding!
He got me to redo the fingerprints and photo as the machine I used hadn't registered them properly so my C&I official entry to the country photo has tears rolling down my cheeks!!
He quickly processed me and told me where to go to collect my baggage. In the USA all baggage must be collected at your first entry point and re-checked for the connecting flight which to me seems insane, my ticket is for the whole journey so why doesn't my luggage just go the whole way before I get it back?!?!
So I went to the conveyor belt my flight was coming out of, there was huge amounts of baggage everywhere, stacks of it on the floors between the belts and the one I was at had two flights on it, mine and another.
After close to 15 minutes of waiting and watching the luggage come down and join the belt I asked a staff member who was pulling bags off the belt to stack on the floor. He told me that all the Heathrow bags were off the belt now and on the floor the other side - between 5 and 6, not 6 and 7 where I'd been checking!!
Going round I scanned the bags left. No bag. I check with another staff member, that's all of them she said, if it's not there then it wasn't on the plane.
Great. I now had to run to my next flight with no suitcase!
Getting to the Delta desk to check in for my next flight I was told to hurry as it was boarding and wouldn't wait.
Struggling to rush after 7 hours on a flight and with my dodgy back I walked as briskly as I could to security where luckily (as I asked a staff member there about my chances of making the flight) I was queue skipped again right to the x-ray machines/body scanner.
Of course I'd had no time to sort my hand luggage again so it was a scramble to get my liquids back into a bag and separated from my hand luggage bag before I joined the metal detector queue.
I was then told to take my flip flops off. Now London and most Europe airports have for a long time now said you only have to remove shoes at security if they are closed shoes (trainers/boots/loafers etc) not flip flops. But not JFK. No so I had to go back, grab another tray and throw my flip flops in and then join a queue again that was being held up by a deeply stupid/confused old man who kept setting off the metal detector as he had all sorts of crap still in his pockets!
Finally through and reunited with my things (in such a rush I wasn't registering there was no iPad anywhere) I shoved my feet back into the flipflops and set off as quickly as I could go to gate B42. Of course, as at Heathrow it was a gate pretty much as far from security as possible!!
I tried to go fast but a lower back spasm and shin splints slowed me down so much. I walked as quickly as possible and literally made it to the gate as the staff member was announcing "final call for passenger Ellis"!
On to the plane I had a bit of a shock - it was tiny!! I'd just come off a huge transatlantic flight to to get on to a plane that had 75 seats max was a bit 'woah!'
I changed my seat as I was due to sit next to someone but didn't see the point of making them move to let me in when there were so many free rows as the plane was 1/3rd full!
Well, I knew it would be a short flight but we were in the air less than 40 minutes by my estimation!!
The attendant actually said she thinks we were taxi-ing longer than we were flying!!
Finally at my destination I was united with the lovely Feasey family and got to spill my story and tears on to Sue's shoulder!
A trip to the Delta baggage collection desk followed with an explanation of the situation. Apparently my suitcase was still in London!
Now armed with the information that it would be delivered to my hotel the next day around lunchtime, we received a pack of 'essentials' and departed for the car, where Paul drove us to Wal-Mart for me to buy some clothes!!
I'm a pragmatic hand-luggage packer so had put my match outfit in my hand-luggage with 2 sets of contact lenses so I had all of that with me thankfully, but I was missing essentials like pyjamas and something to wear to go to dinner in that evening as I did not want to spend another minute in my flight outfit!
A $90 credit card payment later and I had a selection of clothes and toiletries to sort me out. The Delta essentials kit was nice but only had the basics - a razor, toothbrush and paste, a folding comb, stick deodorant and a thin white tshirt. I needed face wipes, a roll-on (I hate stick deodorant), some eye liner (all my make up was in my suitcase bar my sun cream stick and perfume) and a proper hairbrush!
Finally to the hotel I could have a shower and put on clean (new) clothes to go out to dinner, having first drunk nearly my body weight in water as I was so dehydrated and hungry! No time at either airport post security meant I hadn't been able to pick up snacks or bottled water anywhere and was only surviving because the transatlantic flight gave out drinks all through the flight!
It was a bit of a horrific day all told and I have lots of complaints and lost property procedures to follow now but I'm finally in Philadelphia!!!
#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
My day started smoothly, I woke in the Park Inn hotel near Heathrow where I'd checked in last night, the room was an upgrade to the one of reserved (yay) but seemed to have the remnants of someone's coffee in it (boo). Still I'd had food (at the bar as the restaurant had a 45min wait for a table for one!) and had a lovely bath before painting my nails the Sarries colours and finalising what was in suitcase or hand luggage.
I'd missed a hotel hoppa bus by a minute due to the check out desk being busy but I thought with over 2 hours to departure I would be fine.
I'd tried the night before to check in using the Virgin Atlantic app on my phone but had failed so I needed to check in at the main desks, this didn't really bother me until the kiosk rejected my check in and told me to speak to someone.
That someone then typed in my details, got a confused look and took me over to the customer service helpdesk where things got, uh, difficult.
It's turns out that despite lengthy conversations with Virgin Atlantic over the past 4 months (since I changed my flight from an L.A. holiday to this trip to Philly) including one as recently as this week via their websites 'chat' function about using my airmiles to fly home premium economy (they told me there was no availability) no-one mentioned that there was an outstanding balance to pay still!!
Now, bare in mind that I had booked these flights by phone in May, at the time I called to change my reservations I distinctly remember being told a figure (the different in flight prices plus and admin fee) and giving the person my card details!!
And yet I'm standing in Heathrow with my flight leaving in less than 2hours being told my ticket won't print as I haven't paid for all of it!!
I was not happy. In fact I very nearly tumbled straight into a panic induced meltdown on the spot!
I stammered about having paid at the time but in the end just handed over my card knowing that the only way I was getting to America today was to pay and argue for a refund later when I can get a May bank statement.
Of course this brought the usual panic around whether my card would go through! Even knowing I had enough in the account I still really sorry with large amounts and get super nervous that it will reject if my bank thinks it's fraud!
So, card handed over should be end of story right?
No
The lady on the desk was coordinating the problem with another member of the Virgin team off site somewhere (their HQ I think) and was being put on hold constantly, told to cancel things she had done until they'd done something, I got very confused and distressed at this point so don't remember clearly.
What I do remember is looking at the clock constantly with the lovely first lady reassuring me that there was plenty of time. By 7.55am I could see she was starting to worry about making my 9.05 flight though. She very helpfully went to get me a glass of water to take a painkiller with as I'd ditched my liquids already!
Bag drop was due to close at 8.10am. The clock kept ticking as this hold music played . . .
Eventually the person on the line gave the go ahead for me tickets to be printed and the lovely desk lady did them as quickly as possible for me, printing at 8.12!
A dash to bag drop then with the first lady, she'd called over to a colleague to not close my flight for me! I then left my suitcase sat next to a check in desk with 2 others and some Heathrow staff who were to take them to my flight as late arrivals authorised to go on.
I was then hurried through to the First Class security where I said goodbye to the wonderful woman who'd been with me for almost an hour at this point, having got me through security in less than 5 minutes!
A quick march to the already open gate with no time to stop to have breakfast, use the ladies or even buy a bottle of water and I was in a queue to board!!
The staff on the flight could not have been nicer to me! They spotted my obvious distress (I'd been crying for close to 45 minutes on and off) and when I told them I'm autistic they just asked what I needed - I replied a drink to which they asked what I wanted!
After that the main staff member for my section in economy (a lady called Jemma) came over to say hi and have a chat before take-off. We discussed the mornings events and how I was still fairly shaky at this point but that I loved flying so was hoping to be okay soon.
By this point boarding had finished and the doors were locked . . . No-one was sat next to me!!! The day is looking up!!
The flight itself was lovely, the first staff member I spoke to brought me my vodka cranberry almost immediately and I started to settle down.
6 hours of in-flight wi-fi goodness later and I was starting to get nervous again though.
I had to change to a connecting flight at JFK, something I'd never done before, as Virgin don't fly to Philadelphia direct. Jemma again was brilliant in reassuring me and talking through what I would have to do once off the plane, she even offered to get some of the ground staff to meet me and guide me through.
Getting off the plane (and leaving my iPad in the seat pocket as I would realise hours later!) I was a bit nervous, being at the back of the plane is great for my wing watching habit but not so good for a speedy exit on disembarking!!
Eventually I got off the plane but discovered that the ground staff were not nearly as helpful as Jemma was, she tried to get the "assist" staff to help me but was told they "only do wheelchairs" and wouldn't help me. After a few minutes I decided to just give up and thanked Jemma for her efforts saying I was going to give it a go by myself.
Well, Jemma had said to follow certain signs as I had a connecting flight in under 2 hours but when I got to the C&I hall is was utter chaos!
I tried to ask staff members for help but they were so ridiculously unhelpful! On man I asked for help just told me to "go elsewhere"!
Eventually I figured out the machines system and then had to join a long snaking queue that was merging with queues of people trying to use the machines! I end up stood for ages near a family with a toddler and a baby, both of whom were being rather grizzly.
As we slowly shuffled about I got to a point where I could see a staff member manning the queue. I tried to speak to him to ask the estimated time to get through but ended up catching the attention if a female staff member instead.
By this point I was very stress and on the verge of tears and close to losing my words completely.
I tried to ask her what the chances of me making my flight we're, holding my boarding pass to display the boarding/departure times as I was getting so flustered.
I was met with a distinctly snide "ma'am if you want me to help you jump the queue then get that boarding pass outta my face"
I tried to say I wasn't asking to jump just for a time approximation and that I was autistic. She turned her back on me, opened the tape and pointed me to a queue at customs kiosk saying "go"
So I joined that queue, now with tears trickling and my stress scratching moving from my arms to my upper chest/neck.
I was then joined almost immediately by the bloody family with the young kids who stood behind me talking in their language (one of the Slavic languages I think) while the baby did that half-whimper, half-cry thing.
I was sensory flinching every few minutes at this point and whispering to myself to stay calm and not react but it was getting harder and harder.
Over an hour after getting off the plane and having skipped huge chunks of queues, I was next in line for the customs officer. The lady at the desk completed her business and moved through but the officer was typing on his computer so I didn't move. I felt a nudge in my back. I didn't move. I've been shouted at by American officers before for moving forward before called! The officer then looked up and beckoned me forward so I went.
At his desk he was fairly sunny and pleasant but he made the mistake of asking me if I was okay and the flood gates opened then and soon I was crying nearly uncontrollably as I explained my flight was already boarding!
He got me to redo the fingerprints and photo as the machine I used hadn't registered them properly so my C&I official entry to the country photo has tears rolling down my cheeks!!
He quickly processed me and told me where to go to collect my baggage. In the USA all baggage must be collected at your first entry point and re-checked for the connecting flight which to me seems insane, my ticket is for the whole journey so why doesn't my luggage just go the whole way before I get it back?!?!
So I went to the conveyor belt my flight was coming out of, there was huge amounts of baggage everywhere, stacks of it on the floors between the belts and the one I was at had two flights on it, mine and another.
After close to 15 minutes of waiting and watching the luggage come down and join the belt I asked a staff member who was pulling bags off the belt to stack on the floor. He told me that all the Heathrow bags were off the belt now and on the floor the other side - between 5 and 6, not 6 and 7 where I'd been checking!!
Going round I scanned the bags left. No bag. I check with another staff member, that's all of them she said, if it's not there then it wasn't on the plane.
Great. I now had to run to my next flight with no suitcase!
Getting to the Delta desk to check in for my next flight I was told to hurry as it was boarding and wouldn't wait.
Struggling to rush after 7 hours on a flight and with my dodgy back I walked as briskly as I could to security where luckily (as I asked a staff member there about my chances of making the flight) I was queue skipped again right to the x-ray machines/body scanner.
Of course I'd had no time to sort my hand luggage again so it was a scramble to get my liquids back into a bag and separated from my hand luggage bag before I joined the metal detector queue.
I was then told to take my flip flops off. Now London and most Europe airports have for a long time now said you only have to remove shoes at security if they are closed shoes (trainers/boots/loafers etc) not flip flops. But not JFK. No so I had to go back, grab another tray and throw my flip flops in and then join a queue again that was being held up by a deeply stupid/confused old man who kept setting off the metal detector as he had all sorts of crap still in his pockets!
Finally through and reunited with my things (in such a rush I wasn't registering there was no iPad anywhere) I shoved my feet back into the flipflops and set off as quickly as I could go to gate B42. Of course, as at Heathrow it was a gate pretty much as far from security as possible!!
I tried to go fast but a lower back spasm and shin splints slowed me down so much. I walked as quickly as possible and literally made it to the gate as the staff member was announcing "final call for passenger Ellis"!
On to the plane I had a bit of a shock - it was tiny!! I'd just come off a huge transatlantic flight to to get on to a plane that had 75 seats max was a bit 'woah!'
I changed my seat as I was due to sit next to someone but didn't see the point of making them move to let me in when there were so many free rows as the plane was 1/3rd full!
Well, I knew it would be a short flight but we were in the air less than 40 minutes by my estimation!!
The attendant actually said she thinks we were taxi-ing longer than we were flying!!
Finally at my destination I was united with the lovely Feasey family and got to spill my story and tears on to Sue's shoulder!
A trip to the Delta baggage collection desk followed with an explanation of the situation. Apparently my suitcase was still in London!
Now armed with the information that it would be delivered to my hotel the next day around lunchtime, we received a pack of 'essentials' and departed for the car, where Paul drove us to Wal-Mart for me to buy some clothes!!
I'm a pragmatic hand-luggage packer so had put my match outfit in my hand-luggage with 2 sets of contact lenses so I had all of that with me thankfully, but I was missing essentials like pyjamas and something to wear to go to dinner in that evening as I did not want to spend another minute in my flight outfit!
A $90 credit card payment later and I had a selection of clothes and toiletries to sort me out. The Delta essentials kit was nice but only had the basics - a razor, toothbrush and paste, a folding comb, stick deodorant and a thin white tshirt. I needed face wipes, a roll-on (I hate stick deodorant), some eye liner (all my make up was in my suitcase bar my sun cream stick and perfume) and a proper hairbrush!
Finally to the hotel I could have a shower and put on clean (new) clothes to go out to dinner, having first drunk nearly my body weight in water as I was so dehydrated and hungry! No time at either airport post security meant I hadn't been able to pick up snacks or bottled water anywhere and was only surviving because the transatlantic flight gave out drinks all through the flight!
It was a bit of a horrific day all told and I have lots of complaints and lost property procedures to follow now but I'm finally in Philadelphia!!!
#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
Thursday 14 September 2017
The sensory overload we don't often talk about
There are many things in life that can cause sensory overloads for autistic people and a fair number of them get stereotyped in the media - being touched, loud noises, nasty smells, flashing lights.
But there are so many others that don't get talked about as much - patterned carpets, perfumes & aftershave, background hums.
The one I'm interested in today however is one I really struggle with as a working female.
I'm not sure if it's the female part or the employee part that adds to the strain on my mask with this particular trigger, it could be a combination of both quite easily.
I'm talking about other people's outfits.
Yes, the thing that if you tell someone it's distressing you it's likely to cause all sorts of problems!!
Telling someone that youre near meltdown because of some drilling outside or too much information coming visually from busy displays is reaching a point of social acceptability.
Telling someone their dress is giving you a migraine-level headache is not so acceptable!
And yet I find more and more that that is a huge source of discomfort to me regularly.
Stripes, spots, animal prints, clashing colours, 'unfinished' clothing . . . The list is essentially a guide to "current fashion"!!
If I encounter someone with what I consider to be vile colours on (mustard, lime green etc) I will feel queasy and off-balance for a short while. If I encounter someone with those colours in an pattern or random design it will be ten times as bad!
Trying to work or concentrate when people around you are dressed in outfits that visually make your stomach turn is incredibly hard, I've really struggled at times to cope when having to be in the same space as someone dressed in "non-matching" colours or clashing styles.
I try very hard not to judge people when it comes to fashion choices and in fact my best friend is one of those people who will wear whatever she feels like - grey tights, brown boots, green skirt and black top has been an outfit I've seen her in many times and I've chosen (out of my love and respect for her) to 'ride' the wave of mild distress I get (particularly when her hair is dyed red and she wears lots of multi-coloured jewellery!) when I see her. The outfits always look so good on her and yet the back of my brain itches at me the whole time telling me that "Brown and grey don't go together" and "boots and a vest top, is it winter below the waist and summer above?!"
And this is why it's such a hard and not-talked about concept. It's so easy to offend people when talking about clothes and outfit choices. Unless it's a uniform, that person has chosen to put those items together that day and so to mention them in any way that isn't a compliment is to insult their decision.
Which is why I try to stick to not saying anything!
But there are so many others that don't get talked about as much - patterned carpets, perfumes & aftershave, background hums.
The one I'm interested in today however is one I really struggle with as a working female.
I'm not sure if it's the female part or the employee part that adds to the strain on my mask with this particular trigger, it could be a combination of both quite easily.
I'm talking about other people's outfits.
Yes, the thing that if you tell someone it's distressing you it's likely to cause all sorts of problems!!
Telling someone that youre near meltdown because of some drilling outside or too much information coming visually from busy displays is reaching a point of social acceptability.
Telling someone their dress is giving you a migraine-level headache is not so acceptable!
And yet I find more and more that that is a huge source of discomfort to me regularly.
Stripes, spots, animal prints, clashing colours, 'unfinished' clothing . . . The list is essentially a guide to "current fashion"!!
If I encounter someone with what I consider to be vile colours on (mustard, lime green etc) I will feel queasy and off-balance for a short while. If I encounter someone with those colours in an pattern or random design it will be ten times as bad!
Trying to work or concentrate when people around you are dressed in outfits that visually make your stomach turn is incredibly hard, I've really struggled at times to cope when having to be in the same space as someone dressed in "non-matching" colours or clashing styles.
I try very hard not to judge people when it comes to fashion choices and in fact my best friend is one of those people who will wear whatever she feels like - grey tights, brown boots, green skirt and black top has been an outfit I've seen her in many times and I've chosen (out of my love and respect for her) to 'ride' the wave of mild distress I get (particularly when her hair is dyed red and she wears lots of multi-coloured jewellery!) when I see her. The outfits always look so good on her and yet the back of my brain itches at me the whole time telling me that "Brown and grey don't go together" and "boots and a vest top, is it winter below the waist and summer above?!"
And this is why it's such a hard and not-talked about concept. It's so easy to offend people when talking about clothes and outfit choices. Unless it's a uniform, that person has chosen to put those items together that day and so to mention them in any way that isn't a compliment is to insult their decision.
Which is why I try to stick to not saying anything!
The trip to Philadelphia begins!!
And so it begins!!
Well, sort of anyway! I've left my flat and won't be back now until Monday afternoon but I've got a days work and a night in a Heathrow hotel before my journey really starts!
It's a bizarre experience, leaving to go on a solo trip. Sure I'm meeting some wonderful friends out there but I won't see them until I exit Philadelphia airport so this whole bit its like I'm going away alone!
The mad panic last night about have I got everything I need, the frantic checking of the passport every few minutes to make sure it's still with me and still in date! (It's got 9 years to go ffs!)
But now, as I approach work with my massive suitcase with tons of room inside it (I'd rather take bigger and not have to panic on the way home that I can't get it shut!) the feeling of anxiety is starting to float away.
I'm sure it will be back with a vengeance tonight when making my way to Heathrow and realising that it's really happening but for now I'm nearly at the office just thinking about another days work and what I need to get done to make Monday easier for myself! (Yes I am going straight to work from landing at 8am Monday!)
Time to work now, then it'll be time to get ready to say #LetsGoToWork
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
#SarriesStateside
#LeavingOnAJetPlane✈
Well, sort of anyway! I've left my flat and won't be back now until Monday afternoon but I've got a days work and a night in a Heathrow hotel before my journey really starts!
It's a bizarre experience, leaving to go on a solo trip. Sure I'm meeting some wonderful friends out there but I won't see them until I exit Philadelphia airport so this whole bit its like I'm going away alone!
The mad panic last night about have I got everything I need, the frantic checking of the passport every few minutes to make sure it's still with me and still in date! (It's got 9 years to go ffs!)
But now, as I approach work with my massive suitcase with tons of room inside it (I'd rather take bigger and not have to panic on the way home that I can't get it shut!) the feeling of anxiety is starting to float away.
I'm sure it will be back with a vengeance tonight when making my way to Heathrow and realising that it's really happening but for now I'm nearly at the office just thinking about another days work and what I need to get done to make Monday easier for myself! (Yes I am going straight to work from landing at 8am Monday!)
Time to work now, then it'll be time to get ready to say #LetsGoToWork
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
#SarriesStateside
#LeavingOnAJetPlane✈
Sunday 3 September 2017
Sun, Scrums and . . . . Trombones??
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the home of English Rugby . . TWICKENHAM!!!!!!!!!
A day I have been looking forward to since the Lions tour ended, the return of the Aviva Premiership season!
A day that started with glorious sunshine and terrible traffic on the M25 (no surprise really!) and should have gone down in my memory as one of the most spectacularly brilliant days in recent history given that we put 9 tries on Northampton Saints!
However the memory I will take with me is not that of burning sunshine and fruity cider, or the superb scoring abilities our boys displayed but instead the memory of intense pain and electric anxiety . . . the memory of having to work so hard to keep a sensory overload at bay.
I love my club and I appreciate the work the staff at the club do but if I ever find out who decided to get a BRASS BAND to sit in the stands amongst the fans and play that damn 'stand up' tune after ever Sarries score there will be blood shed.
My pain, shock, anxiety on the day can never be eased and those who caused it will not be easily forgiven. My day came perilously close to being ruined and it was only my own internal strength and determination that kept me in my seat and not fleeing the stadium to curl up in a rocking ball somewhere.
What rubs salt into the raw wound is that not 24 hours before I had been speaking to people at supporters services after a cock up had been made with my tickets. In order to sit with the family I was taking with me to the LDH I was forced to move our entire seating allocation to the next block across.
At no point in this conversation (despite me mentioning at least once that I am autistic) was I told that the new seats I was being given were just three rows in front of where the brass band would be sat.
I doubt many non-autistic people will be able to but try to imagine the horror I went through on realising that the shock and intense pain I had just experienced the first time they leapt up to play would in fact be repeated every time we scored . . . .
I have never before wished for a game to have no further scoring happen
Unfortunately for my ears, heart rate, blood pressure and sensory reactions in general I didn't get my wish.
No, of course this would be the game we score NINE tries!
By the end of the game my head was simultaneously pounding and ringing non-stop, my heart feeling like I had run a marathon and my nerves twitching like I'd been electrocuted. I could barely keep myself from unleashing my pain and anger on the musicians, wanting so much to scream directly in their faces, wanting to strike them repeatedly round the head until they understood just what they had done to me.
I didn't, I sat on every impulse I had, held my tongue and arms still, swallowed down my words to sit in amongst the roiling bile and spasming muscles.
Most people know a meltdown isn't pleasant, most people know that anxiety attacks aren't a walk in the park to go through but I wonder just how few truly understand how damaging it is to contain a sensory overload reaction? It will take me days to recover fully, I'm still having random stomach cramps and pulsing headaches 30 hours later, I'll still be tired and struggling to fully focus tomorrow at work, but I'll push through because I have to.
I love the LDH at Twickenham, I love my Saracens but right now I don't *like* them very much at all.
A day I have been looking forward to since the Lions tour ended, the return of the Aviva Premiership season!
A day that started with glorious sunshine and terrible traffic on the M25 (no surprise really!) and should have gone down in my memory as one of the most spectacularly brilliant days in recent history given that we put 9 tries on Northampton Saints!
However the memory I will take with me is not that of burning sunshine and fruity cider, or the superb scoring abilities our boys displayed but instead the memory of intense pain and electric anxiety . . . the memory of having to work so hard to keep a sensory overload at bay.
I love my club and I appreciate the work the staff at the club do but if I ever find out who decided to get a BRASS BAND to sit in the stands amongst the fans and play that damn 'stand up' tune after ever Sarries score there will be blood shed.
My pain, shock, anxiety on the day can never be eased and those who caused it will not be easily forgiven. My day came perilously close to being ruined and it was only my own internal strength and determination that kept me in my seat and not fleeing the stadium to curl up in a rocking ball somewhere.
What rubs salt into the raw wound is that not 24 hours before I had been speaking to people at supporters services after a cock up had been made with my tickets. In order to sit with the family I was taking with me to the LDH I was forced to move our entire seating allocation to the next block across.
At no point in this conversation (despite me mentioning at least once that I am autistic) was I told that the new seats I was being given were just three rows in front of where the brass band would be sat.
I doubt many non-autistic people will be able to but try to imagine the horror I went through on realising that the shock and intense pain I had just experienced the first time they leapt up to play would in fact be repeated every time we scored . . . .
I have never before wished for a game to have no further scoring happen
Unfortunately for my ears, heart rate, blood pressure and sensory reactions in general I didn't get my wish.
No, of course this would be the game we score NINE tries!
By the end of the game my head was simultaneously pounding and ringing non-stop, my heart feeling like I had run a marathon and my nerves twitching like I'd been electrocuted. I could barely keep myself from unleashing my pain and anger on the musicians, wanting so much to scream directly in their faces, wanting to strike them repeatedly round the head until they understood just what they had done to me.
I didn't, I sat on every impulse I had, held my tongue and arms still, swallowed down my words to sit in amongst the roiling bile and spasming muscles.
Most people know a meltdown isn't pleasant, most people know that anxiety attacks aren't a walk in the park to go through but I wonder just how few truly understand how damaging it is to contain a sensory overload reaction? It will take me days to recover fully, I'm still having random stomach cramps and pulsing headaches 30 hours later, I'll still be tired and struggling to fully focus tomorrow at work, but I'll push through because I have to.
I love the LDH at Twickenham, I love my Saracens but right now I don't *like* them very much at all.
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