I dont know what deity I pissed off recently to deserve a day like today!
My day started smoothly, I woke in the Park Inn hotel near Heathrow where I'd checked in last night, the room was an upgrade to the one of reserved (yay) but seemed to have the remnants of someone's coffee in it (boo). Still I'd had food (at the bar as the restaurant had a 45min wait for a table for one!) and had a lovely bath before painting my nails the Sarries colours and finalising what was in suitcase or hand luggage.
I'd missed a hotel hoppa bus by a minute due to the check out desk being busy but I thought with over 2 hours to departure I would be fine.
I'd tried the night before to check in using the Virgin Atlantic app on my phone but had failed so I needed to check in at the main desks, this didn't really bother me until the kiosk rejected my check in and told me to speak to someone.
That someone then typed in my details, got a confused look and took me over to the customer service helpdesk where things got, uh, difficult.
It's turns out that despite lengthy conversations with Virgin Atlantic over the past 4 months (since I changed my flight from an L.A. holiday to this trip to Philly) including one as recently as this week via their websites 'chat' function about using my airmiles to fly home premium economy (they told me there was no availability) no-one mentioned that there was an outstanding balance to pay still!!
Now, bare in mind that I had booked these flights by phone in May, at the time I called to change my reservations I distinctly remember being told a figure (the different in flight prices plus and admin fee) and giving the person my card details!!
And yet I'm standing in Heathrow with my flight leaving in less than 2hours being told my ticket won't print as I haven't paid for all of it!!
I was not happy. In fact I very nearly tumbled straight into a panic induced meltdown on the spot!
I stammered about having paid at the time but in the end just handed over my card knowing that the only way I was getting to America today was to pay and argue for a refund later when I can get a May bank statement.
Of course this brought the usual panic around whether my card would go through! Even knowing I had enough in the account I still really sorry with large amounts and get super nervous that it will reject if my bank thinks it's fraud!
So, card handed over should be end of story right?
No
The lady on the desk was coordinating the problem with another member of the Virgin team off site somewhere (their HQ I think) and was being put on hold constantly, told to cancel things she had done until they'd done something, I got very confused and distressed at this point so don't remember clearly.
What I do remember is looking at the clock constantly with the lovely first lady reassuring me that there was plenty of time. By 7.55am I could see she was starting to worry about making my 9.05 flight though. She very helpfully went to get me a glass of water to take a painkiller with as I'd ditched my liquids already!
Bag drop was due to close at 8.10am. The clock kept ticking as this hold music played . . .
Eventually the person on the line gave the go ahead for me tickets to be printed and the lovely desk lady did them as quickly as possible for me, printing at 8.12!
A dash to bag drop then with the first lady, she'd called over to a colleague to not close my flight for me! I then left my suitcase sat next to a check in desk with 2 others and some Heathrow staff who were to take them to my flight as late arrivals authorised to go on.
I was then hurried through to the First Class security where I said goodbye to the wonderful woman who'd been with me for almost an hour at this point, having got me through security in less than 5 minutes!
A quick march to the already open gate with no time to stop to have breakfast, use the ladies or even buy a bottle of water and I was in a queue to board!!
The staff on the flight could not have been nicer to me! They spotted my obvious distress (I'd been crying for close to 45 minutes on and off) and when I told them I'm autistic they just asked what I needed - I replied a drink to which they asked what I wanted!
After that the main staff member for my section in economy (a lady called Jemma) came over to say hi and have a chat before take-off. We discussed the mornings events and how I was still fairly shaky at this point but that I loved flying so was hoping to be okay soon.
By this point boarding had finished and the doors were locked . . . No-one was sat next to me!!! The day is looking up!!
The flight itself was lovely, the first staff member I spoke to brought me my vodka cranberry almost immediately and I started to settle down.
6 hours of in-flight wi-fi goodness later and I was starting to get nervous again though.
I had to change to a connecting flight at JFK, something I'd never done before, as Virgin don't fly to Philadelphia direct. Jemma again was brilliant in reassuring me and talking through what I would have to do once off the plane, she even offered to get some of the ground staff to meet me and guide me through.
Getting off the plane (and leaving my iPad in the seat pocket as I would realise hours later!) I was a bit nervous, being at the back of the plane is great for my wing watching habit but not so good for a speedy exit on disembarking!!
Eventually I got off the plane but discovered that the ground staff were not nearly as helpful as Jemma was, she tried to get the "assist" staff to help me but was told they "only do wheelchairs" and wouldn't help me. After a few minutes I decided to just give up and thanked Jemma for her efforts saying I was going to give it a go by myself.
Well, Jemma had said to follow certain signs as I had a connecting flight in under 2 hours but when I got to the C&I hall is was utter chaos!
I tried to ask staff members for help but they were so ridiculously unhelpful! On man I asked for help just told me to "go elsewhere"!
Eventually I figured out the machines system and then had to join a long snaking queue that was merging with queues of people trying to use the machines! I end up stood for ages near a family with a toddler and a baby, both of whom were being rather grizzly.
As we slowly shuffled about I got to a point where I could see a staff member manning the queue. I tried to speak to him to ask the estimated time to get through but ended up catching the attention if a female staff member instead.
By this point I was very stress and on the verge of tears and close to losing my words completely.
I tried to ask her what the chances of me making my flight we're, holding my boarding pass to display the boarding/departure times as I was getting so flustered.
I was met with a distinctly snide "ma'am if you want me to help you jump the queue then get that boarding pass outta my face"
I tried to say I wasn't asking to jump just for a time approximation and that I was autistic. She turned her back on me, opened the tape and pointed me to a queue at customs kiosk saying "go"
So I joined that queue, now with tears trickling and my stress scratching moving from my arms to my upper chest/neck.
I was then joined almost immediately by the bloody family with the young kids who stood behind me talking in their language (one of the Slavic languages I think) while the baby did that half-whimper, half-cry thing.
I was sensory flinching every few minutes at this point and whispering to myself to stay calm and not react but it was getting harder and harder.
Over an hour after getting off the plane and having skipped huge chunks of queues, I was next in line for the customs officer. The lady at the desk completed her business and moved through but the officer was typing on his computer so I didn't move. I felt a nudge in my back. I didn't move. I've been shouted at by American officers before for moving forward before called! The officer then looked up and beckoned me forward so I went.
At his desk he was fairly sunny and pleasant but he made the mistake of asking me if I was okay and the flood gates opened then and soon I was crying nearly uncontrollably as I explained my flight was already boarding!
He got me to redo the fingerprints and photo as the machine I used hadn't registered them properly so my C&I official entry to the country photo has tears rolling down my cheeks!!
He quickly processed me and told me where to go to collect my baggage. In the USA all baggage must be collected at your first entry point and re-checked for the connecting flight which to me seems insane, my ticket is for the whole journey so why doesn't my luggage just go the whole way before I get it back?!?!
So I went to the conveyor belt my flight was coming out of, there was huge amounts of baggage everywhere, stacks of it on the floors between the belts and the one I was at had two flights on it, mine and another.
After close to 15 minutes of waiting and watching the luggage come down and join the belt I asked a staff member who was pulling bags off the belt to stack on the floor. He told me that all the Heathrow bags were off the belt now and on the floor the other side - between 5 and 6, not 6 and 7 where I'd been checking!!
Going round I scanned the bags left. No bag. I check with another staff member, that's all of them she said, if it's not there then it wasn't on the plane.
Great. I now had to run to my next flight with no suitcase!
Getting to the Delta desk to check in for my next flight I was told to hurry as it was boarding and wouldn't wait.
Struggling to rush after 7 hours on a flight and with my dodgy back I walked as briskly as I could to security where luckily (as I asked a staff member there about my chances of making the flight) I was queue skipped again right to the x-ray machines/body scanner.
Of course I'd had no time to sort my hand luggage again so it was a scramble to get my liquids back into a bag and separated from my hand luggage bag before I joined the metal detector queue.
I was then told to take my flip flops off. Now London and most Europe airports have for a long time now said you only have to remove shoes at security if they are closed shoes (trainers/boots/loafers etc) not flip flops. But not JFK. No so I had to go back, grab another tray and throw my flip flops in and then join a queue again that was being held up by a deeply stupid/confused old man who kept setting off the metal detector as he had all sorts of crap still in his pockets!
Finally through and reunited with my things (in such a rush I wasn't registering there was no iPad anywhere) I shoved my feet back into the flipflops and set off as quickly as I could go to gate B42. Of course, as at Heathrow it was a gate pretty much as far from security as possible!!
I tried to go fast but a lower back spasm and shin splints slowed me down so much. I walked as quickly as possible and literally made it to the gate as the staff member was announcing "final call for passenger Ellis"!
On to the plane I had a bit of a shock - it was tiny!! I'd just come off a huge transatlantic flight to to get on to a plane that had 75 seats max was a bit 'woah!'
I changed my seat as I was due to sit next to someone but didn't see the point of making them move to let me in when there were so many free rows as the plane was 1/3rd full!
Well, I knew it would be a short flight but we were in the air less than 40 minutes by my estimation!!
The attendant actually said she thinks we were taxi-ing longer than we were flying!!
Finally at my destination I was united with the lovely Feasey family and got to spill my story and tears on to Sue's shoulder!
A trip to the Delta baggage collection desk followed with an explanation of the situation. Apparently my suitcase was still in London!
Now armed with the information that it would be delivered to my hotel the next day around lunchtime, we received a pack of 'essentials' and departed for the car, where Paul drove us to Wal-Mart for me to buy some clothes!!
I'm a pragmatic hand-luggage packer so had put my match outfit in my hand-luggage with 2 sets of contact lenses so I had all of that with me thankfully, but I was missing essentials like pyjamas and something to wear to go to dinner in that evening as I did not want to spend another minute in my flight outfit!
A $90 credit card payment later and I had a selection of clothes and toiletries to sort me out. The Delta essentials kit was nice but only had the basics - a razor, toothbrush and paste, a folding comb, stick deodorant and a thin white tshirt. I needed face wipes, a roll-on (I hate stick deodorant), some eye liner (all my make up was in my suitcase bar my sun cream stick and perfume) and a proper hairbrush!
Finally to the hotel I could have a shower and put on clean (new) clothes to go out to dinner, having first drunk nearly my body weight in water as I was so dehydrated and hungry! No time at either airport post security meant I hadn't been able to pick up snacks or bottled water anywhere and was only surviving because the transatlantic flight gave out drinks all through the flight!
It was a bit of a horrific day all told and I have lots of complaints and lost property procedures to follow now but I'm finally in Philadelphia!!!
#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
Showing posts with label Strategies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Strategies. Show all posts
Saturday, 16 September 2017
Tuesday, 7 March 2017
RCGP Autism Clinical Priority celebration event speech
I was asked to do a short speech at a celebratory event for the Royal College of GPs in light of the Autism clinical priority coming to an end soon after 3 years. Dr Carole Buckley (RCGP Clinical Champion for Autism) and her colleagues from the RCGP spoke before me about some of the work the College has done and how the priority status has worked.
**************************************
I've spent a lot of time over the past few years talking about being autistic, and feeling like I'm either preaching to the already converted or that I'm just running into a brick wall of ignorance and misunderstanding.
Over the past few years the support that has been visible for this priority and the Westminster Autism Commissions report into 'Access to Health Care' has been both heart-warming and reaffirming that it is all worth it, no matter what the cost.
And there will be a cost, everything costs!
But for me it's not money, it's energy, the reserves I have to draw upon to cope in the here and now.
The term 'Autism Fatigue' is still fairly unheard of, but it is real, and potentially damaging if not managed appropriately.
There are times I simply am so overwhelmed, so drained of energy from just keeping going, so bombarded by the sensory nature of the environment that I am in, that formulating thoughts into speech becomes near impossible.
As a result I can come out of a meeting with no knowledge of what was said, only a headache from the overly busy walls. Or leave a doctor's appointment that was for an earache with a prescription for antidepressants - again.
The trouble is that people look at me and other autistic adults who appear to be coping and don't see someone who needs help; don't see the struggles inside.
I show you what I want you to see; a confident, independent person who lives alone, works two part-time jobs, is a postgraduate student and a freelance autistic speaker, as well as following Saracens rugby club around the country each weekend!
I can't speak for all autistic people, and I would never try to claim to, we are all individuals with individual struggles. But I can say that the majority of us struggle to ask for help when we need it, and struggle even more to cope when we don't get it.
This priority is so important to us because it proves that we are not a 'forgotten' group, that there is recognition in the world of healthcare that we exist, that we need support and that we come in more shapes and sizes than just the little white boy seen on TV.
We need to feel safe going in to surgeries and hospitals; we need to know we're not going to be belittled by receptionists who don't understand our difficulties; that we're not going to be dismissed by GPs who aren't able to hear what we're trying to communicate.
We need to feel confidant that we're not going to get trapped on the mental health roundabout, being passed pillar to post until we reach crisis point.
The work being done through this priority is fantastic, and I can only hope that the continuing efforts of those involve bear fruit, not only for autistic people, but for all people. When you make the world more autistic friendly you are generally making it less confusing, less overwhelming, less complicated for everyone!
We're not asking for UN-reasonable adjustments or a complete restructure of the NHS, we're not even asking for all GPs to become autism specialists overnight! But we are asking for you to continue the good work you are already doing and to keep striving to improve where gaps in practise still exist.
None of us want to be a drain on public funds, none of us want to be unproductive members of society or have poor mental health and terrible wellbeing. We want to be respected and treated in ways appropriate to our needs and sensitivities.
This priority has done so much already in raising awareness of autism; in making sure that the doctors and physicians we have appointments with are trained to understand autism, that the non-clinical staff involved in our care have a better comprehension of our needs, that the environments we have to go in to access healthcare aren't going to make our health worse.
I'm incredibly grateful to the Royal College for making Autism a clinical priority these past three years; I hope that this is not the end, I hope that the work done so far has managed to reach people and had a positive impact on the lives of autistic people and those who care about them.
I know its had a positive impact on mine already.
Thank you.
**************************************
I've spent a lot of time over the past few years talking about being autistic, and feeling like I'm either preaching to the already converted or that I'm just running into a brick wall of ignorance and misunderstanding.
Over the past few years the support that has been visible for this priority and the Westminster Autism Commissions report into 'Access to Health Care' has been both heart-warming and reaffirming that it is all worth it, no matter what the cost.
And there will be a cost, everything costs!
But for me it's not money, it's energy, the reserves I have to draw upon to cope in the here and now.
The term 'Autism Fatigue' is still fairly unheard of, but it is real, and potentially damaging if not managed appropriately.
There are times I simply am so overwhelmed, so drained of energy from just keeping going, so bombarded by the sensory nature of the environment that I am in, that formulating thoughts into speech becomes near impossible.
As a result I can come out of a meeting with no knowledge of what was said, only a headache from the overly busy walls. Or leave a doctor's appointment that was for an earache with a prescription for antidepressants - again.
The trouble is that people look at me and other autistic adults who appear to be coping and don't see someone who needs help; don't see the struggles inside.
I show you what I want you to see; a confident, independent person who lives alone, works two part-time jobs, is a postgraduate student and a freelance autistic speaker, as well as following Saracens rugby club around the country each weekend!
I can't speak for all autistic people, and I would never try to claim to, we are all individuals with individual struggles. But I can say that the majority of us struggle to ask for help when we need it, and struggle even more to cope when we don't get it.
This priority is so important to us because it proves that we are not a 'forgotten' group, that there is recognition in the world of healthcare that we exist, that we need support and that we come in more shapes and sizes than just the little white boy seen on TV.
We need to feel safe going in to surgeries and hospitals; we need to know we're not going to be belittled by receptionists who don't understand our difficulties; that we're not going to be dismissed by GPs who aren't able to hear what we're trying to communicate.
We need to feel confidant that we're not going to get trapped on the mental health roundabout, being passed pillar to post until we reach crisis point.
The work being done through this priority is fantastic, and I can only hope that the continuing efforts of those involve bear fruit, not only for autistic people, but for all people. When you make the world more autistic friendly you are generally making it less confusing, less overwhelming, less complicated for everyone!
We're not asking for UN-reasonable adjustments or a complete restructure of the NHS, we're not even asking for all GPs to become autism specialists overnight! But we are asking for you to continue the good work you are already doing and to keep striving to improve where gaps in practise still exist.
None of us want to be a drain on public funds, none of us want to be unproductive members of society or have poor mental health and terrible wellbeing. We want to be respected and treated in ways appropriate to our needs and sensitivities.
This priority has done so much already in raising awareness of autism; in making sure that the doctors and physicians we have appointments with are trained to understand autism, that the non-clinical staff involved in our care have a better comprehension of our needs, that the environments we have to go in to access healthcare aren't going to make our health worse.
I'm incredibly grateful to the Royal College for making Autism a clinical priority these past three years; I hope that this is not the end, I hope that the work done so far has managed to reach people and had a positive impact on the lives of autistic people and those who care about them.
I know its had a positive impact on mine already.
Thank you.
Friday, 17 February 2017
Autism Fatigue vs lots of exciting plans!
I've talked about the concept of Autism Fatigue before but it's never been more obvious to me than when I have a period of time like I'm currently in. I'm 9 days into a crazily busy 18 day stretch and already I've had to cancel 3 different plans out of the 18 things I've got in the diary (and that's not including the standard going to work next week!) I should note that I am incredibly lucky to have be given the opportunities I have and I am very grateful for the support of my university tutor, my family and the staff involved in the various work I've been contracted to recently.
I had to cancel certain things this past week because I was having to make choices between standing by plans I'd committed to and the need to protect my own health - mental and physical. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from a nasty virus last week or that I've managed to pick up a cold along the way to join the fun. My point is that just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should; those decisions have to be made on a day by day basis and that unfortunately means letting people down at the last minute sometimes.
Most people have been fairly understanding recently, having a virus that's leaves you with dizzy spells and nausea is understandable to most people. Certainly a lot more understandable than Autism Fatigue is.
Trying to get people to understand the concept of social overload or the need to conserve energy for a more important commitment the next day is difficult. A lot of people still don't understand how draining social activities can be - even if I'm enjoying them immensely!
It's true that the satisfaction I get from doing things can give a boost to my flagging energy levels it's rarely enough to compensate for the losses due to sensory environment and stress.
I hope as time moves forward and more of us are talking about these concepts that society as a whole becomes more aware and more forgiving of our needs. I've had to plan these few weeks so very carefully to ensure that I make it to the end still in one piece and still able to enjoy my final event - England vs Italy in the 6Nations at Twickenham - a hell of a way to finish off my 30th birthday week!!
I had to cancel certain things this past week because I was having to make choices between standing by plans I'd committed to and the need to protect my own health - mental and physical. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from a nasty virus last week or that I've managed to pick up a cold along the way to join the fun. My point is that just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should; those decisions have to be made on a day by day basis and that unfortunately means letting people down at the last minute sometimes.
Most people have been fairly understanding recently, having a virus that's leaves you with dizzy spells and nausea is understandable to most people. Certainly a lot more understandable than Autism Fatigue is.
Trying to get people to understand the concept of social overload or the need to conserve energy for a more important commitment the next day is difficult. A lot of people still don't understand how draining social activities can be - even if I'm enjoying them immensely!
It's true that the satisfaction I get from doing things can give a boost to my flagging energy levels it's rarely enough to compensate for the losses due to sensory environment and stress.
I hope as time moves forward and more of us are talking about these concepts that society as a whole becomes more aware and more forgiving of our needs. I've had to plan these few weeks so very carefully to ensure that I make it to the end still in one piece and still able to enjoy my final event - England vs Italy in the 6Nations at Twickenham - a hell of a way to finish off my 30th birthday week!!
Sunday, 29 January 2017
30 Games for 30 Birthdays!
I'm now over the halfway mark of my "30 Games for 30 Birthdays" challenge, as was set to me by family back in the summer.
The challenge is fairly simple in theory - attend 30 Saracens games in the 2016/17 season, and get a photograph containing myself, at least one other person and the match programme for each one.
So far I've been to 16 games, travelled over 2100 miles, spend over a thousand pounds and have had the most phenomenal time!
I've watched some brilliant moments of rugby but I've also borne witness to some brilliantly hilarious moments of rugby supporters! From the wonderful musical pre-game experience in Toulon to the drunken curry based antics in Bristol, its been at times an almost overwhelming mix of social experiences but I have loved it all!
I've been lucky enough to share this experience with the most amazing group of people in the Saracens supporters - it truly is like a sprawling, bizarre, family where you'll rarely encounter someone who doesn't know at least one other person you know, and where everyone looks out for each other and makes sure that a good time is being had by all!
I'm so grateful to have had the chance to shake the hands of greats, to have taken photos of superstars and to have persuaded exhausted, but victorious, legends to hold up a flag for a photo! (Thanks Schalk and Jamie!)
As I approach the infamous birthday, I can't help but wonder what the 'second half' of this challenge will hold; trips to Worcester, Newcastle and Wembley and a whole host of home games. To achieve the full 30 games using only Saracens matches I will need us to reach the finals of the European Champions Cup *and* the Aviva Premiership. A doable event, seeing as we currently hold both those trophies, but still it's going to be a nail-biting race to the end!
Bring it on!
The challenge is fairly simple in theory - attend 30 Saracens games in the 2016/17 season, and get a photograph containing myself, at least one other person and the match programme for each one.
So far I've been to 16 games, travelled over 2100 miles, spend over a thousand pounds and have had the most phenomenal time!
I've watched some brilliant moments of rugby but I've also borne witness to some brilliantly hilarious moments of rugby supporters! From the wonderful musical pre-game experience in Toulon to the drunken curry based antics in Bristol, its been at times an almost overwhelming mix of social experiences but I have loved it all!
I've been lucky enough to share this experience with the most amazing group of people in the Saracens supporters - it truly is like a sprawling, bizarre, family where you'll rarely encounter someone who doesn't know at least one other person you know, and where everyone looks out for each other and makes sure that a good time is being had by all!
I'm so grateful to have had the chance to shake the hands of greats, to have taken photos of superstars and to have persuaded exhausted, but victorious, legends to hold up a flag for a photo! (Thanks Schalk and Jamie!)
As I approach the infamous birthday, I can't help but wonder what the 'second half' of this challenge will hold; trips to Worcester, Newcastle and Wembley and a whole host of home games. To achieve the full 30 games using only Saracens matches I will need us to reach the finals of the European Champions Cup *and* the Aviva Premiership. A doable event, seeing as we currently hold both those trophies, but still it's going to be a nail-biting race to the end!
Bring it on!
Tuesday, 3 May 2016
Inescapable difficult situations
A large problem I face regularly with being autistic is that people can tell when I'm not happy with something I've been asked to do. Currently I'm faced with a challenge about how to cope with the way my university has decided to do 'revision sessions' for my Masters course - I don't like doing group work and I certainly don't like to do 'talk and share'. I don't want to be here, I am not coping well with this situation and am finding it really hard just to keep myself in the room when all I want to do is bolt and hide.
I hate the way people feel the need to force others into their way of learning / revising / coping. I have my way, it works well for me, doesn't always give the best results in terms of academic achievements but it allows me to survive the process.
Coping with stressful environments is always difficult when you have anxiety issues but when it's an environment that you're trapped in, and particularly if you're in the spotlight, it's so hard to know how to cope. My standard coping method is to blend in, to survive, to stay in control. In an inescapable spotlight environment however blending in is a bit harder and thus surviving can become a real challenge. Hopefully I'll be okay with this soon, it's a classic example of me not knowing in advance what would be expected of me and so not coping with a scenario well.
I hate the way people feel the need to force others into their way of learning / revising / coping. I have my way, it works well for me, doesn't always give the best results in terms of academic achievements but it allows me to survive the process.
Coping with stressful environments is always difficult when you have anxiety issues but when it's an environment that you're trapped in, and particularly if you're in the spotlight, it's so hard to know how to cope. My standard coping method is to blend in, to survive, to stay in control. In an inescapable spotlight environment however blending in is a bit harder and thus surviving can become a real challenge. Hopefully I'll be okay with this soon, it's a classic example of me not knowing in advance what would be expected of me and so not coping with a scenario well.
Monday, 25 April 2016
Isolation vs over-stimulation
I've come to realise recently just how isolated my life had become from what it used to be; I spend the whole working day with the same people, very rarely interacting with anyone new, before coming home to an empty flat where I spend my evenings alone with my TV and laptop for company, making the occasional phone calls to the same half dozen people. My weekends are often just me and my revision / housework / recovery processes, once in a whilst interspersed with a visit to/from a family member or a trip into London to do something Autism related.
Compare this to the almost manically busy life I used to have when I was a student - days filled with lectures, union meetings, social groups and endless nights out I barely remember (but know were good fun!) That life wasn't sustainable though and I often found myself suddenly having to spend periods retreating from my plans and hiding away in an almost hibernating state to restore some balance. Sometimes just coming down from an over-stimulation was a long slog on its own, the world didn't stop being noisy and bright and demanding just because I wanted a time-out and people weren't always very understanding when I tried to explain that it wasn't an alcohol hangover I had but a sensory or social one.
The tricky thing in life is finding the mid-way point between what's needed for recovery and isolation and then putting that on an even functioning keel with social activity (bearing in mind that work/going to the supermarket/filling the car with petrol all count as a form of social activity!)
I find now as I'm older and more knowledgeable about my own limitations and predictable reactions that I can start to formulate ways to 'have my cake and eat it' - by finding activities that fulfil my need for interactions whilst still allowing me enough down time to be ready to face whatever the next day may hold.
Throughout the Sunday-Thursday period I have to tread carefully to ensure that my working day the next day is not impacted upon by any lingering effects but come Friday/Saturday I have a lot more freedom to push my boundaries and go for the full-on 'social experience' and all the consequences that follow it. Its difficult to explain at times but even the smallest of things can add to a growing mountain of stimulation leading to overload; one too many announcements on a train, the overly strong perfume of the person in front at the cashpoint queue, multiple TV's showing different games/sports in pubs, too many new faces and names to remember at once, the list can be endless.
My latest excursion into London (and straight back out to Reading) for Saturday's Saracens vs Wasps semi-final was one of the more bizarre yet successful experiences I've had recently - a match I hadn't planned to attend yet found myself in possession of tickets for courtesy of a Twitter competition. All of a sudden not only did I now have plans for a previously free weekend but I had to work out a whole host of details, including who I was giving the other ticket to! Family and friends were all unavailable as due to the short notice (I found out I had tickets on the Tuesday) they were all booked up. Luckily social media came to my rescue and I was able to have a really wonderful time at the game with someone who not only appreciated the ticket but was able to give me a crash-course introduction to being a full-on member of the Sarries family!
I know not every experience I try will have such a happy ending (and most definitely wont involve that much wine being consumed afterwards!) and some will have potentially catastrophically bad results should my coping strategies fail me at the worst times, but I do know for sure that if I don't keep trying new things and pushing myself out there in the big wide world that the isolation I will be faced with will be horrible.
I don't like being on my own too long, I am, at heart, a people person who loves watching others enjoy life. I just have to weigh the balance of my need to indulge that side of my personality with what it will cost me without retreating into a fear-dominated mind-set of not doing anything 'in case' I can't cope.
Compare this to the almost manically busy life I used to have when I was a student - days filled with lectures, union meetings, social groups and endless nights out I barely remember (but know were good fun!) That life wasn't sustainable though and I often found myself suddenly having to spend periods retreating from my plans and hiding away in an almost hibernating state to restore some balance. Sometimes just coming down from an over-stimulation was a long slog on its own, the world didn't stop being noisy and bright and demanding just because I wanted a time-out and people weren't always very understanding when I tried to explain that it wasn't an alcohol hangover I had but a sensory or social one.
The tricky thing in life is finding the mid-way point between what's needed for recovery and isolation and then putting that on an even functioning keel with social activity (bearing in mind that work/going to the supermarket/filling the car with petrol all count as a form of social activity!)
I find now as I'm older and more knowledgeable about my own limitations and predictable reactions that I can start to formulate ways to 'have my cake and eat it' - by finding activities that fulfil my need for interactions whilst still allowing me enough down time to be ready to face whatever the next day may hold.
Throughout the Sunday-Thursday period I have to tread carefully to ensure that my working day the next day is not impacted upon by any lingering effects but come Friday/Saturday I have a lot more freedom to push my boundaries and go for the full-on 'social experience' and all the consequences that follow it. Its difficult to explain at times but even the smallest of things can add to a growing mountain of stimulation leading to overload; one too many announcements on a train, the overly strong perfume of the person in front at the cashpoint queue, multiple TV's showing different games/sports in pubs, too many new faces and names to remember at once, the list can be endless.
My latest excursion into London (and straight back out to Reading) for Saturday's Saracens vs Wasps semi-final was one of the more bizarre yet successful experiences I've had recently - a match I hadn't planned to attend yet found myself in possession of tickets for courtesy of a Twitter competition. All of a sudden not only did I now have plans for a previously free weekend but I had to work out a whole host of details, including who I was giving the other ticket to! Family and friends were all unavailable as due to the short notice (I found out I had tickets on the Tuesday) they were all booked up. Luckily social media came to my rescue and I was able to have a really wonderful time at the game with someone who not only appreciated the ticket but was able to give me a crash-course introduction to being a full-on member of the Sarries family!
I know not every experience I try will have such a happy ending (and most definitely wont involve that much wine being consumed afterwards!) and some will have potentially catastrophically bad results should my coping strategies fail me at the worst times, but I do know for sure that if I don't keep trying new things and pushing myself out there in the big wide world that the isolation I will be faced with will be horrible.
I don't like being on my own too long, I am, at heart, a people person who loves watching others enjoy life. I just have to weigh the balance of my need to indulge that side of my personality with what it will cost me without retreating into a fear-dominated mind-set of not doing anything 'in case' I can't cope.
Sunday, 10 April 2016
Autism Training and Presentations
Having been sorting through my laptop and trying to organising my filing a bit better I thought it might be a good time to record the various topics I have spoken about in the past, along with the ones I have things prepared for, just in case anyone would like to learn more!
* "Education: Learning to Cope"
* "Autism in Pink - Personal Health domain"
* "Autism Training for Schools - sensory focus"
* "Females and the Autistic Spectrum"
* "Finding the balance between Reasonable Adjustment and Professional Development"
* "Pressure and Perfectionism - Coping with Society's Expectations"
* "Sensory Sensitivities"
* "What the Future can hold"
* "Autism and Sport - why doing something is important"
* "Social Interactions - how to start them and how to survive them"
* "Overload, Meltdown, Shutdown - what to do when things go wrong"
Most of these are aimed at people who want to learn more about Autism or who want guidance for how to improve things for Autistic people, please do get in touch if you want anymore information about anything above or want me to come talk about something different, I'm willing to talk about pretty much anything I have experience in!
* "Education: Learning to Cope"
* "Autism in Pink - Personal Health domain"
* "Autism Training for Schools - sensory focus"
* "Females and the Autistic Spectrum"
* "Finding the balance between Reasonable Adjustment and Professional Development"
* "Pressure and Perfectionism - Coping with Society's Expectations"
* "Sensory Sensitivities"
* "What the Future can hold"
* "Autism and Sport - why doing something is important"
* "Social Interactions - how to start them and how to survive them"
* "Overload, Meltdown, Shutdown - what to do when things go wrong"
Most of these are aimed at people who want to learn more about Autism or who want guidance for how to improve things for Autistic people, please do get in touch if you want anymore information about anything above or want me to come talk about something different, I'm willing to talk about pretty much anything I have experience in!
Sport and Autism
Now, people may call me biased on this one but I genuinely believe that sport can be one of the most important things in the world. To the autistic mind sport can represent many things; an ordered routine, a stress management technique, a pleasurable experience and even an understandable route to socialisation.
The last one is something I hugely advocate; using sport as a way to interact with other people can be a real godsend to someone who struggles with social interactions and knowing how to approach others. Autistic people are often told we 'go on too much' about our special interests or inappropriately want to talk about an exam we've just done or a meal we've just had. But with sport its not exactly unheard of for people to talk at length about a game or match they've just watched, breaking down ever play, every ref decision, every strategic gamble. Its also less frowned upon to know lots of stats and information about the people/clubs/places involved in sport, its seen to be the mark of a 'true fan' to know lots about a clubs history.
I remember times in the past when I very deliberately used this technique to ease my way into a social interaction - a couple of hours the night before dedicated to watching a football match followed by some quality Wikipedia research and suddenly the next day I could join in with the lunch break conversation about Liverpool's chances on the away leg. The beauty of the concept was that I could choose when to employ this, even at times shying away from talking about a game I had actually watched because I wasn't comfortable with socialising on that particular day - to my colleagues the small lie that I had 'missed it as I was tired' didn't just give me the excuse for not joining in but also allowed them to see the exhaustion written all over my face and slightly adjust their behaviour around me for that day, giving me more space.
Some people find it funny when I talk about sport, I'm not exactly what you would imagine a sports enthusiast to look like, but its the world I was brought up in. My parents ran an amateur cycling team in the 80s/90s and to me normal life was spending hours at the local track, weekends out following the road races, visitors regularly popping round for leg massages or team talks. I often talk in presentations/training sessions about 'safe memories' that can be used to help bring someone round from meltdown. My main and most powerful 'safe memory' is being in a village hall surrounded by guys that have just finished a road race, knowing that everyone in that room knows me and I am completely safe. To this day the smell of strong tea, oil/grease, sweat and muscle rub will mentally take me back there - the smell of Deep Heat is known to most people I encounter to be a sensory trigger for calmness and safety.
I think there's a lot that's wrong with sport at the moment, and I'm not talking here about doping allegations and ridiculous salaries, but about the way people (particularly autistic people) struggle to access sport. I want so much at the moment to get back into regularly supporting a sports team but find the pressure to be undeniable, if you try to say you are a fan of a team people expect a certain level of commitment, you can't seem to just say 'I support Saracens' without people saying 'well, when did you last go see them play?' 'are you a season ticket holder' 'do you got to any away matches' 'are you going to the European matches' 'are you getting tickets to the final' etc etc etc.
The sad thing I would love to be able to say yes to those sorts of questions, I want to commit fully to being an active supporter of a team because I think the clubs and the players deserve that, but I know I would struggle to maintain that level of support, I'd be fine whilst things were going well (both personally and for the team) but things get a lot harder when life becomes more complicated. A bad week at work coupled with an away game that results in a loss would send me into a tailspin, the sheer amount of energy I would have to expend on coping with the loss and then the subsequent lengthy journey home would leave me running on empty and with little time to recovery enough to cope with work on the Monday (especially if its a Sunday game). And this worries me, I don't want to be seen as a glory hunter supporter, only going when things are going well for my team (for the record I was introduced to Saracens as a team when I was 12, early impressions last and I often find the team I gravitate to in any sport is the first one I encountered!)
I'm heading to Wembley next week to watch Saracens vs Harlequins, I picked this game to go to because I'm familiar with Wembley and I know that there will be a different expectation of the crowd at this sort of game to one at Allianz Park. I hope the day is good, when I went to this match 4 years ago I did struggle at various points because of little things that could have easily been avoided. I'm hoping at some point to get to a Saracens home match just to see if I can manage it, time will tell on that one!
I hope there is a way forward for sport to engage more with the autistic community and listen to what we have to say, there are so many small adjustments that could be made to make our participation in sport better and more likely to be repeated. I've actually started to write a training session relating to autism and sport talking about those adjustments and why I think its so important. I just hope one day I can use it.
The last one is something I hugely advocate; using sport as a way to interact with other people can be a real godsend to someone who struggles with social interactions and knowing how to approach others. Autistic people are often told we 'go on too much' about our special interests or inappropriately want to talk about an exam we've just done or a meal we've just had. But with sport its not exactly unheard of for people to talk at length about a game or match they've just watched, breaking down ever play, every ref decision, every strategic gamble. Its also less frowned upon to know lots of stats and information about the people/clubs/places involved in sport, its seen to be the mark of a 'true fan' to know lots about a clubs history.
I remember times in the past when I very deliberately used this technique to ease my way into a social interaction - a couple of hours the night before dedicated to watching a football match followed by some quality Wikipedia research and suddenly the next day I could join in with the lunch break conversation about Liverpool's chances on the away leg. The beauty of the concept was that I could choose when to employ this, even at times shying away from talking about a game I had actually watched because I wasn't comfortable with socialising on that particular day - to my colleagues the small lie that I had 'missed it as I was tired' didn't just give me the excuse for not joining in but also allowed them to see the exhaustion written all over my face and slightly adjust their behaviour around me for that day, giving me more space.
Some people find it funny when I talk about sport, I'm not exactly what you would imagine a sports enthusiast to look like, but its the world I was brought up in. My parents ran an amateur cycling team in the 80s/90s and to me normal life was spending hours at the local track, weekends out following the road races, visitors regularly popping round for leg massages or team talks. I often talk in presentations/training sessions about 'safe memories' that can be used to help bring someone round from meltdown. My main and most powerful 'safe memory' is being in a village hall surrounded by guys that have just finished a road race, knowing that everyone in that room knows me and I am completely safe. To this day the smell of strong tea, oil/grease, sweat and muscle rub will mentally take me back there - the smell of Deep Heat is known to most people I encounter to be a sensory trigger for calmness and safety.
I think there's a lot that's wrong with sport at the moment, and I'm not talking here about doping allegations and ridiculous salaries, but about the way people (particularly autistic people) struggle to access sport. I want so much at the moment to get back into regularly supporting a sports team but find the pressure to be undeniable, if you try to say you are a fan of a team people expect a certain level of commitment, you can't seem to just say 'I support Saracens' without people saying 'well, when did you last go see them play?' 'are you a season ticket holder' 'do you got to any away matches' 'are you going to the European matches' 'are you getting tickets to the final' etc etc etc.
The sad thing I would love to be able to say yes to those sorts of questions, I want to commit fully to being an active supporter of a team because I think the clubs and the players deserve that, but I know I would struggle to maintain that level of support, I'd be fine whilst things were going well (both personally and for the team) but things get a lot harder when life becomes more complicated. A bad week at work coupled with an away game that results in a loss would send me into a tailspin, the sheer amount of energy I would have to expend on coping with the loss and then the subsequent lengthy journey home would leave me running on empty and with little time to recovery enough to cope with work on the Monday (especially if its a Sunday game). And this worries me, I don't want to be seen as a glory hunter supporter, only going when things are going well for my team (for the record I was introduced to Saracens as a team when I was 12, early impressions last and I often find the team I gravitate to in any sport is the first one I encountered!)
I'm heading to Wembley next week to watch Saracens vs Harlequins, I picked this game to go to because I'm familiar with Wembley and I know that there will be a different expectation of the crowd at this sort of game to one at Allianz Park. I hope the day is good, when I went to this match 4 years ago I did struggle at various points because of little things that could have easily been avoided. I'm hoping at some point to get to a Saracens home match just to see if I can manage it, time will tell on that one!
I hope there is a way forward for sport to engage more with the autistic community and listen to what we have to say, there are so many small adjustments that could be made to make our participation in sport better and more likely to be repeated. I've actually started to write a training session relating to autism and sport talking about those adjustments and why I think its so important. I just hope one day I can use it.
Saturday, 2 April 2016
WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY!!!
Is today a celebration or a campaign?
I'm honestly not sure and quite frankly am not bothering to chose! I treat WAAD as both a chance to express my passion for promoting awareness of Autism and to indulge my inner ego's desire to say 'yes I am doing well and I'm damn proud of it!'
The thing is, these two elements are so deeply intertwined and most of the world doesn't even see it; my need for validation that 'yes I am a functioning, society-contributing, independent adult' comes not from a place of vanity or hubris but from a place of loneliness and fear, a place that was born from the way the world treats the word 'Autism' and the overwhelming negativeness that Autistic people are subjected to.
I hope as we move forward in the 21st century we (as a species) can continue to grow and remember that were it not for the evolution of things like opposable thumbs and language that we would not have become the race we are today. I'm not saying that the Autistic brain is the new evolution of humanity, but is it so wrong to think that maybe, its an evolutionary response to the world we've created? Is the emergence of more common sensory issues directly linked to the massive expansion of things that demand our senses take notice?
I'm not talking about the recent growth of the technology word here but a more fundamental shift that occurred generations ago - the industrial revolution opened the door to loud, in-your-face, constant noises and smells. The world suddenly got a lot louder and with it came a change in what we saw, wore, smelt, tasted. Global communities sprang up sharing new exotic tastes, new fabrics and dyes came into public fashion, the need for marketing and advertising suddenly became apparent. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I've misunderstood history, but the way I see it is that not too long ago (in an evolutionary sense) the world was quiet, calm and less busy. Now, its considered an achievement if you can find 'peace and quiet' for more than a few minutes!
I fully support the NAS's current 'Too Much Information' campaign; I whole heartedly agree that we need less overstimulation in the world. We're never going to stop dogs barking, babies crying or even (unfortunately) traffic being traffic, but maybe we can start to think about what is truly needed and what is surplus. Speaking as someone who working in the education field one of the first things I always talking about sensory-wise is how bad schools are for over stimulating children visually! I know OFSTED (cough *bastards* cough) love to see classroom walls covered in displays and information but this can be incredibly overwhelming for the Autistic mind - I actually got triggered into sensory overload from a primary school classroom once the walls were so busy! (And that's without mentioning the smell/sounds of the class pet in the corner, the school bell ringing, the children screaming outside on break!)
Its sad to think but these days I'm not sure I could cope with living in a big busy city like London, and that to me is one of the biggest problems I 'suffer' from. I was born in London, I love the city and have always intended to return there one day, maybe even after a stint living abroad somewhere like San Francisco or Boston, but I'm genuinely not sure if I would be able to cope with the constant overstimulation that those big cities generate. Certainly not alongside the stresses and issues that come with full-time work anyway. God knows its hard enough sometimes managing just living in a town - although in my defence I live next to an industrial estate and railway tracks!
I think ultimately the world as a concept has both grown and shrunk too fast for us as a species to keep up with, we exist now in society where I can speak to someone in Australia whilst eating food that originated in Asia, typing on piece of technology from America, and watching a rugby match being played in Europe! 4 generations back and my family didn't even know what electricity was!
If I could ask one thing of the world on World Autism Awareness Day it would be 'please stop stacking the deck against us' - we exist, we walk and work among you, please stop making our lives so much harder than they need to be.
I'm honestly not sure and quite frankly am not bothering to chose! I treat WAAD as both a chance to express my passion for promoting awareness of Autism and to indulge my inner ego's desire to say 'yes I am doing well and I'm damn proud of it!'
The thing is, these two elements are so deeply intertwined and most of the world doesn't even see it; my need for validation that 'yes I am a functioning, society-contributing, independent adult' comes not from a place of vanity or hubris but from a place of loneliness and fear, a place that was born from the way the world treats the word 'Autism' and the overwhelming negativeness that Autistic people are subjected to.
I hope as we move forward in the 21st century we (as a species) can continue to grow and remember that were it not for the evolution of things like opposable thumbs and language that we would not have become the race we are today. I'm not saying that the Autistic brain is the new evolution of humanity, but is it so wrong to think that maybe, its an evolutionary response to the world we've created? Is the emergence of more common sensory issues directly linked to the massive expansion of things that demand our senses take notice?
I'm not talking about the recent growth of the technology word here but a more fundamental shift that occurred generations ago - the industrial revolution opened the door to loud, in-your-face, constant noises and smells. The world suddenly got a lot louder and with it came a change in what we saw, wore, smelt, tasted. Global communities sprang up sharing new exotic tastes, new fabrics and dyes came into public fashion, the need for marketing and advertising suddenly became apparent. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I've misunderstood history, but the way I see it is that not too long ago (in an evolutionary sense) the world was quiet, calm and less busy. Now, its considered an achievement if you can find 'peace and quiet' for more than a few minutes!
I fully support the NAS's current 'Too Much Information' campaign; I whole heartedly agree that we need less overstimulation in the world. We're never going to stop dogs barking, babies crying or even (unfortunately) traffic being traffic, but maybe we can start to think about what is truly needed and what is surplus. Speaking as someone who working in the education field one of the first things I always talking about sensory-wise is how bad schools are for over stimulating children visually! I know OFSTED (cough *bastards* cough) love to see classroom walls covered in displays and information but this can be incredibly overwhelming for the Autistic mind - I actually got triggered into sensory overload from a primary school classroom once the walls were so busy! (And that's without mentioning the smell/sounds of the class pet in the corner, the school bell ringing, the children screaming outside on break!)
Its sad to think but these days I'm not sure I could cope with living in a big busy city like London, and that to me is one of the biggest problems I 'suffer' from. I was born in London, I love the city and have always intended to return there one day, maybe even after a stint living abroad somewhere like San Francisco or Boston, but I'm genuinely not sure if I would be able to cope with the constant overstimulation that those big cities generate. Certainly not alongside the stresses and issues that come with full-time work anyway. God knows its hard enough sometimes managing just living in a town - although in my defence I live next to an industrial estate and railway tracks!
I think ultimately the world as a concept has both grown and shrunk too fast for us as a species to keep up with, we exist now in society where I can speak to someone in Australia whilst eating food that originated in Asia, typing on piece of technology from America, and watching a rugby match being played in Europe! 4 generations back and my family didn't even know what electricity was!
If I could ask one thing of the world on World Autism Awareness Day it would be 'please stop stacking the deck against us' - we exist, we walk and work among you, please stop making our lives so much harder than they need to be.
Tuesday, 29 March 2016
The A Word - thoughts and feelings
Its been hard watching 'The A Word' series on BBC1 as it brings out a lot of painful memories and feelings about my own journey from ignorance to diagnosis and beyond.
I love the concept of the show and think its wonderful that the BBC commissioned a show that can help bring Autism to a wider audience, however I do worry that by nature the show is 'drama' and may end up pushing a more dramatic/extreme journey on its characters just for the shock factor.
The latest episode dealt with the concept of home schooling and the specialist vs mainstream vs alternative approach argument. Its a topic I care passionately about as someone who works within the education field; my place of work is technically a mainstream school as its not an EBD/Special school but as a PRU we do have more flexibility than standard secondary schools. (Don't get me started on academies, that's a whole separate issue!)
The main argument in all this is not necessarily about which style of education is best for the autistic child but about the social inclusion nature of childhood - if you spare the young child then pain of school/classroom due to fears of bullying, exclusions, SEND problems then unfortunately I really believe you are creating larger problems down the line.
Unless you fully intend for the child to live out their entire adult life in sheltered supported accommodation and make no form of contribution to society then you owe that child the right to learn the skills they will need for adult life. If you overly protect them as children then how do they learn the required skills to cope with post-16/18 life? There were parts of school I absolutely hated but I would not exchange those hard-earned lessons for anything now - I needed to learn that not everyone could be trusted, that not every 'friend' truly was, that I was going to fail at somethings and succeed at others and that sometimes there is no rhyme, reason, consistency or logic to life, sometimes its just not fair!
Being made to cope with the mainstream classroom allowed me to cultivate a thicker skin about Joe Public and their opinions/actions, it also allowed me to develop the coping mechanisms I use regularly now about sensory overloads - particularly in the workplace and when out at social events.
I'm not saying that mainstream is right for every child or that every autistic person is capable of living the kind of life I do, but I do feel that by restricting the child's experiences of 'normal' you are creating a stunted, unprepared adult who will not be able to cope with this crazy world we all exist in. People are more understanding now of the damage emotional neglect can do at a young age - maybe we need to be considering what long-term effects can come from not allowing children to experience the nastier sides of childhood as well as the positives.
After all, life is about balance isn't it?
I love the concept of the show and think its wonderful that the BBC commissioned a show that can help bring Autism to a wider audience, however I do worry that by nature the show is 'drama' and may end up pushing a more dramatic/extreme journey on its characters just for the shock factor.
The latest episode dealt with the concept of home schooling and the specialist vs mainstream vs alternative approach argument. Its a topic I care passionately about as someone who works within the education field; my place of work is technically a mainstream school as its not an EBD/Special school but as a PRU we do have more flexibility than standard secondary schools. (Don't get me started on academies, that's a whole separate issue!)
The main argument in all this is not necessarily about which style of education is best for the autistic child but about the social inclusion nature of childhood - if you spare the young child then pain of school/classroom due to fears of bullying, exclusions, SEND problems then unfortunately I really believe you are creating larger problems down the line.
Unless you fully intend for the child to live out their entire adult life in sheltered supported accommodation and make no form of contribution to society then you owe that child the right to learn the skills they will need for adult life. If you overly protect them as children then how do they learn the required skills to cope with post-16/18 life? There were parts of school I absolutely hated but I would not exchange those hard-earned lessons for anything now - I needed to learn that not everyone could be trusted, that not every 'friend' truly was, that I was going to fail at somethings and succeed at others and that sometimes there is no rhyme, reason, consistency or logic to life, sometimes its just not fair!
Being made to cope with the mainstream classroom allowed me to cultivate a thicker skin about Joe Public and their opinions/actions, it also allowed me to develop the coping mechanisms I use regularly now about sensory overloads - particularly in the workplace and when out at social events.
I'm not saying that mainstream is right for every child or that every autistic person is capable of living the kind of life I do, but I do feel that by restricting the child's experiences of 'normal' you are creating a stunted, unprepared adult who will not be able to cope with this crazy world we all exist in. People are more understanding now of the damage emotional neglect can do at a young age - maybe we need to be considering what long-term effects can come from not allowing children to experience the nastier sides of childhood as well as the positives.
After all, life is about balance isn't it?
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
Social interactions
My job is a bizarre mix of independent solo working within a very social-interaction based environment. This can be really quite draining sometimes and days by the time I make it home I'm so mentally drained its all I can do to function long enough to make/eat dinner.
I've had to develop a few strategies for coping with my work environment, one of the strongest ones in my armoury being my ability to fake interest in a topic being discussed around me.
I try not to utilise this too often as I don't like presenting a fake front to anyone really, but there are times I genuinely don't care about someone's son's girlfriend or the latest soap plot but I recognise that its not a situation I can politely escape from any time soon!
Over the years I've asked trusted family members and friends to let me know of the 'tells' I display when I'm starting to grow bored or irritated so I can try to keep them under wraps when need be - of course this doesn't always work and there have been many times I've utterly failed at keeping my internal thoughts from shining through my body language, still, I like to think the rates are improving!
The main thing I've found is that I have started to recognise when other 'normal' people are doing this around me as well, I wonder just how much of human interaction is made up of faked interest to conform to what we believe social expectations are?
I've had to develop a few strategies for coping with my work environment, one of the strongest ones in my armoury being my ability to fake interest in a topic being discussed around me.
I try not to utilise this too often as I don't like presenting a fake front to anyone really, but there are times I genuinely don't care about someone's son's girlfriend or the latest soap plot but I recognise that its not a situation I can politely escape from any time soon!
Over the years I've asked trusted family members and friends to let me know of the 'tells' I display when I'm starting to grow bored or irritated so I can try to keep them under wraps when need be - of course this doesn't always work and there have been many times I've utterly failed at keeping my internal thoughts from shining through my body language, still, I like to think the rates are improving!
The main thing I've found is that I have started to recognise when other 'normal' people are doing this around me as well, I wonder just how much of human interaction is made up of faked interest to conform to what we believe social expectations are?
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