Relying on other people

I find it really difficult when I have to rely on other people in order for me to be able to do something; be that having to wait for authorisation to proceed with something or needing someone to provide me with something.


Its not an uncommon thing amongst autistic people that we dislike being reliant on others - relying on others generally involves interacting with others and that's not something we like being forced to do necessarily!


Thing is, the world we live in means it is very very rare to be able to get through life without having some form of reliance on others - we rely on our employers/the state to provide us with our money regularly, we rely on utility companies to maintain a consistent flow of electricity/water to us, we rely on the emergency services to be there if/when we need them.


And I'm perfectly fine with that. What I dislike is being forced into relying on others in order to achieve my aims because others wont allow me to have the control myself.


I'm not allowed to have keys to my place of work because my manager fears what would happen were I to panic/meltdown when alone (never mind the fact that I live alone and have done successfully for 4 years now . . ) This means that during the school holidays when I'm due to work so many days I am reliant on the key holders opening/closing the building at the right time for me. However, this doesn't often happen. The caretakers, as is their right, want to do all their hours in one go rather than their early morning and evening slots as they do during term time; not particularly helpful to me when I need to work my standard 8am-4pm hours.


The fact that I'm not allowed to have keys to open/lock the building means I'm subject to things not going smoothly; case in point, tomorrow I'm supposed to work my normal hours, however the first key holder wont arrive until 9am. This means to do the hours I'm supposed to (and need to in order to get all my work done) I'll need to carry on working beyond my normal finish time, luckily tomorrow another key holder is planning to stay late so I can do this. Not sure what's happening Tuesday however though as this wont be the case.


And yet, despite the fact that I have raised this as an issue before (my fourth summer with this problem I believe) and despite the fact that my colleagues all know about my Autism and my need to know in advance what's going on I'm still in a situation where things aren't clear to me and I have no way of contacting the people who do know - its the summer holidays, my manager has gone abroad and I don't have the contact details for the caretakers - not that I would have the authority to ask them to switch their working hours even if I did!


Still, at least I'm not relying on others to have done bits of work for me to be able to do mine. Oh, wait a minute . . . .

Punctuality

There's a big issue in life with being on time for things; as a species we are more dominated by time constraints than any of our fellow earth-inhabitants (Alice's White Rabbit aside!)

I would always prefer to sit around having arrived somewhere ridiculously early than to be caught in a situation where time is slipping away from me and I run the risk of being late. This doesn't always go to plan and I have friends who will happily speak of many times I have dashed into a restaurant/bar/party a lot later than I was supposed to arrive - inevitably with words spilling out my lips trying to explain the latest round of Helen vs the world. Truthfully I am just very bad at judging how long things will take; I can massively overestimate how long a journey may take me yet think drying my hair will take just a few minutes despite years of experience telling me it takes at least 10!

The understanding of the passage of time is something that can be linked to executive functioning - something that research tells us Autistic people can struggle with. I find my problems are not so much with the planning part of the process, as a former scientist I still have the numerical brain that makes all plans into Gantt charts and plots the most efficient path to completion of tasks. The trouble arises when the time I assign to each subtask is incorrect wildly knocking my plan out of sync! Even though this happens more often than I would like I still struggle to compensate and can't quite make myself change the next stage of plans quickly enough to gain back the time lost, although this is often because I have trimmed the plans to the point of not being able to loose anything - even if I'm running late for work I can't skip brushing my teeth or putting my shoes on! The few times I have tried to hasten my leaving the house I will find on my return that I have left lights on or my lunch is still sat in the fridge.

As we are forced into tighter and tighter schedules it's not surprising that more and more of my generation are eschewing 'going out' for nights in on out own terms. I feel I spend half my life trying to meet time constraints set for me: work deadlines, train departures, match KOs, assignment hand ins, even trying to remember to return phone calls at appropriate times for other people schedules!

Maybe as a society we need to slow down a bit and realise that not everyone can always keep up with the manic pace that is being demanded. Maybe we need to realise that each and every one of us is a human being who operates on their own processing speed and allow people just a bit of breathing space sometimes. Maybe one day we'll realise that we've made this world just a bit too hard for some people and have lost our way as a progressive society.

Maybe.

Maybe next time I come into London I won't be sat around in a reception for over an hour because I'm ridiculously early for an appointment!