The trip to Philadelphia begins!!

And so it begins!!

Well, sort of anyway! I've left my flat and won't be back now until Monday afternoon but I've got a days work and a night in a Heathrow hotel before my journey really starts!

It's a bizarre experience, leaving to go on a solo trip. Sure I'm meeting some wonderful friends out there but I won't see them until I exit Philadelphia airport so this whole bit its like I'm going away alone!

The mad panic last night about have I got everything I need, the frantic checking of the passport every few minutes to make sure it's still with me and still in date! (It's got 9 years to go ffs!)

But now, as I approach work with my massive suitcase with tons of room inside it (I'd rather take bigger and not have to panic on the way home that I can't get it shut!) the feeling of anxiety is starting to float away.

I'm sure it will be back with a vengeance tonight when making my way to Heathrow and realising that it's really happening but for now I'm nearly at the office just thinking about another days work and what I need to get done to make Monday easier for myself! (Yes I am going straight to work from landing at 8am Monday!)

Time to work now, then it'll be time to get ready to say #LetsGoToWork

#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤
#SarriesStateside
#LeavingOnAJetPlane✈

My city, my heart

We all knew it would happen one day, deep in our hearts we'd begun to consider it an inevitable part of modern life, 'when' not 'if' and a cold dread of waiting to see just how bad the final toll will be.

My heart aches for my city. I may not have lived there since 1995 but London will always and forever be my city; I learnt to count by stops on the Tube, to appreciate nature by time spent in the royal parks, to love history by regular trips to the museums, palace, tower. I lived and breathed the richness of our culture through my neighbours, classmates and family friends.

I've spent a fair amount of time in the Westminster corner of London. Long before my involvement in the Westminster Autism Commission I was familiar with the area, having spent many hours wandering the circuit of The Mall, Whitehall and Birdcage Walk. Its a part of London that gives me a deep sense of connection like no other, where I feel really at home amongst our wonderful history.

I don't need to 'hope' that London will heal and recover from this tragedy, I know it will. I know London and I know Londoners, this will hurt and it will resonate but it will not defeat, it will not divide. London does not cower, London does not flee, we put the kettle on and get on with life, we always have. The Blitz didn't defeat us, the IRA attacks of the 80s and 90s didn't defeat us, the 7/7 attacks in 2005 didn't defeat us. A single man with a car and a knife will not defeat us.

Yesterday I cried for my city, today I miss my city, tomorrow I will travel to my city. And for the rest of my life I will love and be proud of my city.


#LondonForever

Thirty years and six nations!

So endeth the manic period of my life that was my 30th birthday, and it couldn't have ended better! Well, okay, it would have been a bit better if England hadn't been flummoxed by the Azzurri's tactics for so long and if Faz had a bit more accurate a day at the tee!


A day out at HQ is always something a bit special; the very nature of game day is just brilliant fun, the streets between the tube station and the stadium lined with stalls like the biggest most-British street party ever!


I'd never been lucky enough to go to an England test match before, my only experience of the national team being a Baa-Baas game a few years ago. Its unreal. I thought I'd got the full HQ experience when I went to the Premiership final back in May but my god do they go to town when the Nations roll up!


Of course there were times I struggled with the day, its part and parcel of being autistic that eventually the sensory aspect will catch up with me and have consequences but a day like Sunday is one that is completely worth it. All in all, despite the drunken idiot sat next to me (not my father, the other side!) and the slightly bizarre nature of the game, I had the most incredible end to my 30th birthday week - note 'week' not 'celebration' - that's going to be rolling on until the '30 Games for 30 Birthdays' is completed in May!

My resounding memory of 2016

My resounding memory of 2016 will be of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.

It's been a year of staring as news rolled in of Trump's victory, the Brexit result, he murder of Jo Cox, the deaths of Prince/David Bowie/Alan Rickman/Carrie Fisher, the awful events in Brussels/Nice/Orlando and all round the world.

Luckily those horrible moments have also been countered with a different type of shocked disbelief for some wonderfully happy things like England's 3-0 whitewash of the Wallabies, Bryony Page's silver medal in trampolining and Saracens becoming Champions of Europe, as well as the genuine 'what the hell' version of shocked disbelief when Froome had to run up a hill in France and the Keirin gold medal race got reset twice!!

So, yeah, 2016, the year of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.

Transport and London

I have a strange relationship with public transport, probably born out of the conflicting nature of my autism and my upbringing in East London. I was first put on a tube before I could crawl and so never really experienced any anxiety related to it until I was into my twenties. The problem, l discovered was not the tube itself but the attitude of the people using it, particularly at rush hour. The times I really struggled because I am terrified of the oncoming train (I have to turn my head away as they pull in) and so find it hard to cope with the commuter crush queueing for the next tube to appear. I like staying behind the yellow lines and waiting safely until the tube has fully stopped. Do that at rush hour and you'll never get on because every man and his dog is queueing right of the edge of the platform and pushing their way on to already heaving tubes.

I still massively prefer the train to buses however; the bus I find unpredictable and highly uncomfortable. I dislike any form of transport where I have to tell the driver to stop somewhere they're supposed to or they might not! I understand for the non standard stops but when it's one only the main stops and you fly past it because no one rang the bell and the driver didn't see anyone waiting it's a bit frustrating! There have been times I've been on a delayed train and wished it could just skip Knebworth and get me home to Hitchin quicker but the beauty of the train is that it doesn't,  generally speaking it does what it says and gets you to the exact place you knew you would end up - it's not like the station moves halfway through your journey!

My favourite form of transport is a closely run race between being driven (not driving myself as that requires a lot of concentration!) and flying. I adore flying and always get ridiculously excited at take off, the rush for the acceleration is brilliant - the only thing I've ever experienced that's better is the free fall when skydiving! 

I guess you could say I love movement, velocity and acceleration will always trump standing still with your face squashed against someone's arm (or worse!) On a plane you have a guaranteed seat, you have an alloted amount of room, you have order. On the train/bus at 5ft 4in I'm lucky if I can snag hold of something to help me stayed balanced whilst standing the whole journey (I prefer sitting on the floor but when you're sardined in that's not possible!) 

The thing is, and the main reason I'm writing this piece, is the knock on effect this can have on autistic people like me. What is an irritation to a normal commuter is a massive anxiety issue to me, while others get off a packed train/tube ready for work I need time to breathe, stim and sort my head out otherwise I'm a triggered agitated mess for hours. This is the argument I have to use when justifying my choice to buy a first class ticket if I'm coming to London before 9am - at least in 1st class I've got a chance of making it in still calm and ready to work! I'm lucky that my commute to work is a 5 minute drive (or 20 minute walk in the summer) and I don't often need to come to London early in the morning but when I do its for something important that is probably, on some level, making me nervous anyway. 

I love coming to London, I still feel at heart that it's my home and I have a great affection for Zone One and TFL, I just wish I could reconcile those feeling with the spin cycle my stomach goes through every time I approach a platform . . .