Anne Hegerty - Queen of our Jungle!

Something phenomenal happened this week in Britain and it wasn't anything to do with sport, politics or music - no, it was on one of my least favourite mediums of entertainment . . . reality tv!


Yes, after years of vaguely following the escapades of 'celebrities' via newspaper headlines and trending hashtags I am now a fully committed, even got reminders set, hard core fan of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!


And its all down to one incredible moment, when Anne Hegerty started talking openly on prime-time national tv about being autistic!!!!!


It was so powerful a moment, hidden in so mundane a scene, that it brought tears to my eyes, finally someone has broken that ceiling and is simply *being* autistic on screen, not playing a role or being the token person trotted out for an interview or camera piece but just being themselves!! To see her being so understood and supported by the other people in camp is also incredibly heartwarming, these are real people who don't have the background understanding of being autistic or family to autistics themselves and yet they are *getting it*!


And its so much more than that, oh the conversations it has started! Suddenly the country is alive to discussion about autism and being autistic as an adult and a female, things like sensory issues are being talked about by random non-autism world people online, and the world seems just a bit brighter and more hopeful.


What ever she achieves, however far she gets, Anne Hegerty is already our Jungle Queen just for being herself - thank you Governess!


#TeamAnne

My farewell to three members of our Sarries Family

Chris Wyles, Schalk Brits, Nathan Earle (and our trophy!)

I want to talk today about 3 special men who all played headline roles in our recent title winning match - a brace of tries for Chris Wyles, a last minute victory-sealing score for Nathan Earle, and, um, well, a yellow card for Schalk Brits!! (I think you were jinxed by Ali Eykyn on the BT commentary with that one!) 

Classy bloke that Wayne Barnes!

But this piece isn't about the memorable tries, obscenely good offloads or magnificent tackles, it's about the three individuals and the positive impact they have had on my life over the past few years.

The thing that makes Saracens so special is the values the club adheres to: Discipline, Honesty, Work Rate, Humility – I love the concept of these values so much that I had the words engraved on a necklace last Christmas! But one that’s missing from the list is a value that these three guys have in spades – generosity of spirit.

Most, if not all, of the team are kind, genuine, intelligent guys, but not all of them are able to be generous with their time and energy; but these three have always (to me at least) been wonderfully warm and welcoming, offering me far more than I expected and leaving me with memories that I shall long treasure.

Thanks for the memories guys, savour this one for a long time!

Chris Wyles is a rarity in this world - an American who is wonderfully humble, supremely talented and a true gentleman; the kind of guy who is passionate without being in your face, his enthusiasm for his work being evident in his actions as well as his words.

Last home game of the season 2016; meet the players!

I missed the initial creation of the Wolfpack lager brand, by the time I started attending matches at Allianz Park the bus was an established feature of the ground, but it is evident that a lot of hard work and commitment went into building something really worthwhile, that Chris and Alistair didn’t just do the whole thing on the fly and expect others to support it just because it was their project.

I love that the club seems so invested in ensuring our guys have future careers after they (have to) retire from the beautiful game; match days now involve a visit to Brad’s “Tiki Tonga Coffee” stand next to the Wolfpack bus, seeing Jamie’s “Carter and George” doing a pop up physio clinic on the plaza across from Mike Ellery’s new cocktail company “Raw Spirit” – although I’m not quite sure where in the ground would be best to put Ben Spencer and Henry Taylor’s brilliant “99 Sap Designs” furniture business . . . . 

I have a lot of wonderful memories from Chris Wyles' time at Sarries, most related to his huge enthusiasm for the game and genuine friendliness - from seeing him give away a full pint of Wolfpack to someone who said they were about to go buy one to watching him let fans try on his latest medal at Twickenham just a few weeks ago.

But I think the one moment that stands out more than any other is watching him make his speech on top of the bus after the Bath game a few weeks before season end, it was his leaving do being done on his terms: beer and mates in glorious sunshine! His words made me well up as I listened and I felt so proud to have been even a small part of a journey that clearly meant so much to him.

Mr Wolfpack giving his farewell speech!

Seeing him later I asked him to sign the t-shirt I'd bought at the Talen Stadium in Philadelphia, I've never really got that into getting players to sign things (outside of my 30 challenge scrapbook) but I wanted my favourite memento of that weekend in the USA to be signed by our very own Captain America, the memory of him wandering JFK departures looking for a burrito always brings a smile to my face!

My only signed piece of clothing to date!

Of course thinking of that evening in the airport brings to mind the truly joyous memory of seeing the effervescent Schalk Brits desperately trying to give away McDonald's fries before boarding the plane – despite being told by the airline staff that he could take them on board with him!

I think by now that a lot of people have heard Schalk's tale of why he interacts so passionately with fans, the disappointment he suffered as a young boy staying with him into his professional career leading to the promise to never let one of his fans down like that.

Introducing my sister to the smiliest man in town!

To me, the fact that he remains so committed to this concept is wonderful. He greets people with such warmth and excitement that it feels, for a moment, that you're his best friend and he's so happy to see you. I don't know if he ever remembers me from one meeting to the next, I think in the moment he remembers my face and things I've said before/places I've talked to him, but I doubt that asked an hour later he would be able to recall my name or anything particular about me.

And thats okay! He's a professional athlete (retired) who has meet thousands of people over the course of his career, all of whom wanted something from him (time, conversation, a photo, a favour) and he can't possibly be expected to retain all of that - if I had a pound for every time a player or staff member had called me "mate", “love” or "darling" I'd be able to afford one of the posh seats at Allianz Park!

And yet Schalla still gives you this incredible feeling of specialness when his eyes light up and that wonderful smile bursts out, a moment when you really feel like he's happy to see you, wants to talk to you. 

I've got so many brilliant memories thanks to Schalk Brits and his amazing personality; hugs and smiles galore, the Curry and Chat goodbye event, the wonderful photograph taken on my 30th birthday of him giving me a hug outside the Foundation takeover of Nandos, his signature underneath said photo in my scrapbook when he complained that my caption said "smiliest guy in rugby" when in his opinion it should have been "sexiest"!

A 30th Birthday a girl can only dream of!

But I think my all-time favourite memory has to be the one that is unique to me, that moment in JFK departures seeing Schalla’s eyes light up as he recognised me (as a Sarries fan that is), getting to hear the guys moan about how ling the McDonalds queue was and how much time security took made them so much more relatable to me! 

As a non-sporting doing person I‘ve struggled at times to relate to the players beyond my basic understanding of coaching, training and team psychology (thanks Dad!) so getting to see some of my favourite people in the most normal of situations, reacting exactly as I do was brilliant!

I didn't ever get to know Nathan Earle as well as the other two, and I regret that as I have met the compassionate caring person lurking beneath that easy smile and sprinter pace! I do have a lovely picture with him however that was taken on my 30th birthday inside the Nandos Takeover! 

Nandos Takeover 2017

Obviously when a player retires from the sport (as the other two gentlemen talked about in this post are) the celebrations and discussions around the person’s time at the club very different to when a player is leaving for a rival as a strategic career move.

It’s not the first time we’ve had a player leave us for another club, Ashy departed for Toulon last summer and had a song and dance quite literally made about it (some of Bazz’s finest work!) and yet Nathan seems to have been rather pushed to one side and forgotten about during the last few weeks of the season as all the attention was laser focussed on Schalla and Chris, and that just seems a tad unfair to me.

After the Bedford Blues match pre-season 2017 

Yes, he hasn’t given as many years’ service to Saracens as the retirees but Nathan has still been a fantastic team player and a brilliant ambassador to the club; his move is not a calculated ploy for more money or fame as far as I can tell but a necessary change in order to grow as a player and to improve his chances of making the RWC2019 squad – a dream that surely must be understood to trump all else at this stage of the World Cup cycle and his own career?

Representing your country at the World Cup must always be the pinnacle a player aspires to, above all accolades and trophies won at club level – domestic or European. The honour of that jersey, that cap, that call up is more than most of us could ever truly understand; I don’t claim to fully get it myself as I am not a professional athlete, I can only try to relate the concept to my own life and career and think what it would mean to me to be chosen above all others to fight for the chance to be called the best in the world.

And that’s one of the many reasons that I will not now, nor ever, begrudge a player moving clubs to further their chances of international success. The choice Nathan has made can’t have been easy for him but he is doing it because it needs to be done, Sarries are a fantastic club but they can’t offer him the opportunities he needs to get on Eddie Jones’ speed dial list.

Even in an uncapped Baabaas game, its a huge honour to wear the Rose!

It was back in March when I encountered the best side of Nathan; I was (ironically for this post) at the Schalk Brits testimonial dinner and I'd had an absolutely awful time for the first part of the evening - the venue was not remotely autistic friendly (high ceiling, all metal and wood, dim lighting with red spotlights etc!) and I was an individual on a table full of people I didn't know, with my back to the stage with not a clue what was going to be happening and feeling incredibly unsettled!

Cue the ‘wobbling on the edge of meltdown’ that led to me hiding out in the corridor outside the main hall, pacing back and forth muttering to myself trying to get a grip on my spiralling panic. I had been back and forth to the corridor a few times during the evening, managing to stay in my seat for the starter and main course (whilst probably getting through more than my fair share of the white wine on the table!) but had bailed to my refuge again before the dessert came round, once again fleeing the bizarre and confusing experience of a sit down dinner where people where wandering about all over the place holding conversations standing between people who were seated at tables eating!

The corridor wasn’t much better in terms of the sensory experience as it had high traffic levels due to being the only access route to the ladies, gents, stairs and lift! Most people had walked straight by me, a few had tried to ask if I was only but they were strangers to me so I had defaulted to my "I'm fine" response and they quickly moved away, probably relieved. 

Nathan spotted me as he was leaving the event and came over to speak to me directly, I don’t know if he recognised me then as someone he’d seen before at games, or even remembered me from being at the England v Baabaas match he’d played in at Twickenham last summer (we’d called him, Nick and Wiggy over for a group ‘Sarries’ photo after the match) but his concern for me was evident straight away.

His concern for me was clear as he asked if I was okay and if there was anything I needed that would help. At this point my mind had been tumbling through the void, free-falling back into that awful place I was in after the final in Edinburgh, but hearing such genuine concern for me from a player I admired allowed me to focus my mind back to "rugby mode" pulling on all the hard-earned experience of away games and losses to drag to the forefront my ability to get control of my panic and cope.

That simple act of direct kindness was so vital in enabling me to rescue my evening, the fact that he so easily accepted my response when I told him I was struggling because of being autistic and how the venue was affecting me. That short conversation left me able to finish up with a joke about needing some more wine and a tentative smile that I was able to turn into a real one before the event was over.

But more than just the kindness of that night, when I saw him at Allianz a few weeks later he recognised me straight away and asked how I was and if I'd enjoyed the rest of the night. We had a great chat about things that day, talking about him moving on to Quins and the need for change sometimes. I told him at the time that he has to do what’s right for him and his career, while he worried about being able to maintain the Quins victory record against Sarries at the Stoop!

I’ll be gutted to see him play in a Quins shirt next season (although come internationals it’ll be nice to know another team is losing one of their stars to even the field a bit!) but I’m  so very glad that he was able to sign off from his time at Sarries scoring our final try to win back our Premiership title!! 

Going out in style with one hell of a goodbye gift to us!

So, in conclusion I metaphorically raise my glass and toast;

To Chris Wyles, our Born In The USA superstar who’s brilliance on the pitch will surely be matched by the growth of his wonderful Wolfpack brand – may the pack always go to work for you!

To Schalk Brits, the never grow up Peter Pan who reinvented what it means to be a hooker – may your family forever keep you young and may the sun of your SA homeland be as bright as your smile and more welcoming than the drizzle of an away game up north!

To Nathan Earle, the youth and promise of tomorrow with a heart as big as his smile – may your travels take you far and wide, and may we meet again in battle on the hallowed turfs, another wolf-raised rose, you’ll always be one of the family, go well my friend!

#SarriesFamilyForever 

Westminster Autism Commission speech 2 - A Spectrum of Harm

The speech I gave on Wednesday 28th March at the launch of the Westminster Autism Commission's latest report into fake cures "A Spectrum of Harm"

This report started life when one of the Commission members, shortly after our successful healthcare inquiry report, asked “Shouldn’t we do something about quackery and fake cures?”

Well, the short answer was yes we should, but it took a while to piece together exactly *how* to do so. We were at a loss to begin with, as to where the responsibility even lay in legislation and just who we were wanting to talk to.

And this wasn't a problem unique to us, so many people have told us their stories of how they've not known what to do when spotting a social media post advertising a false remedy, or heard someone recommending a treatment that sounds strange or dangerous.

The continual expansion of the internet and social media has been a boon for a huge number of autistic people like myself; we use it to reach out to our community and support each other across fields and oceans.

But there is a nasty edge to the internet and the surface doesn't need scratching very hard to find an ugliness waiting to take advantage of other people’s desperation and lack of knowledge.

The fear that strikes into my heart is not of the charlatans and snake oil salesman themselves, these people have always existed, but that we, as a community, have become "profitable", that being autistic is still being seen as "wrong" and needing to be "fixed".

Parents will always search for ways to mould their child to their own ideal and initially struggle with things that don't fit their preconceived ideas; you know the stereotypes - the son who's sexuality doesn't match his father's, the daughter whose lack of ambitions horrified the mother who broke the glass ceiling, the grandchild who just won't "settle down and get a real job"!

But this isn’t about demonizing parents, it’s about supporting them - what we desperately need now is active guidance for parents towards support groups and autistic adults they can learn from, guidance for school staff and medical professionals on how to report concerns about dangerous treatments being used or talked about, and guidance in how to tackle the huge giants of social media and get them to realise that not every adverts money should be accepted and evidence bases are needed to promote treatments and therapies!

But more than that, we need those who hold the power to regulate to step up and start taking responsibility;

When it comes to vile ‘treatments’ such as MMS, we need the MHRA to extend to cover all healthcare products and not just those deemed ‘medicine’ by the NHS,

We need the Food Standards Agency to be clearer about its remit which extends beyond sandwiches and takeaways!

We need more clarity from all the agencies with responsibilities over what the public are told about products and how they can access them, and we need easier routes to advice and reporting.

These regulatory bodies should be easy to use for us and hard to escape from for those who seek to do us harm!

There needs to be repercussions for those pedalling these products; legal consequences – fines and prosecutions.

At this point I would like to thank the representatives of the agencies that did engage with us, and came to our evidence session, along with all the people who responded to our survey.

I would especially like to thank Emma Dalmayne for her tireless work in this area, it’s not easy to go out there every day and fight against people so entrenched in their mind-sets that they don’t see, or don’t care, about the harm they are doing.

We know that sadly, we will never be able to fully stop the actions of abusive people in this world, but between Emma’s work and our Commission’s report here today we hope we can make it harder for good people to get conned down those paths, make it harder for not so good people to make money out of those scams and ultimately make it harder for people to find out about them.

Vulnerable people are being targeted and we lack the arsenal to defend our rights as human beings, we need to bring the guidance, legislation and regulations into the smartphone century and realise that having the world at our fingertips means we need to be more aware of what is out there and what hopes, dreams and snake oil is being sold to people.

We do not need fixing, we do not need curing, but we do need supporting in our fight.

If you wouldn’t want it done to your child, then don’t stand for it being done to an autistic child.

Sarries in Philly!!!!!

There was a lot said about this fixture when it was first announced, mostly negative and critical. And yes, the crowd was a bit thin on the ground and the boys had to work incredibly hard in the humid heat of Pennsylvania but that's not the core of this fixture.

The heart of what the Premiership were trying to do was, in my opinion, achieved.

I spent time before the match with Sarries fans from New York and Virginia Beach, with Newcastle fans who'd struggled with JFK C&I even worse than me, with life long rugby fans and relatively new ones.

I was lucky enough to be in contact with BT Sport this weekend, and thus got asked to be a part of the pre-game filming with Sarra Elgan. She made sure to speak to two of the USA based Sarries fans who were with us before the 'lone' Falcon in the group (he wasn't, just the only one willing and around to be filmed!) and then lil ole me! 

I'd already talked to Sarra earlier in the day when we'd encountered her at the famous Rocky steps by the Philadelphia Museum of Art and had had the chance to have a decent chat with the BT Sport team and even a quick photo with ref JP Doyle when he randomly appeared!

Consequently I found myself kinda becoming the face of Sarries support in Philly - even more so when the Saracens social media team got me to do a good luck message to the boys on Instagram because Paul told them I could "talk for England"!!

I'm happy to do these things though because it's a subject I'm comfortable with, my public speaking reputation is good because I know the topics I talk about - autism, Saracens, space, physics, maths, working in a school, PRUs, all that is in my comfort zone. Ask me to talk about anything else and, well, it may not be pretty!

Back to the topic at hand now!

The match itself was not what you'd call the epitome of English rugby but it was very hot, bright, slippery ball conditions as the sun was setting across the stadium, and to be perfectly honest you're never gonna get the gold standard match in round 3! Maybe the next stage for the great American conversion is to get live showings of the ECC games and play-off matches going in big stadiums, sending a retired player or two over to do Q&As pre game.

My weekend wasn't just about the match though! I've detailed my Friday nightmare in this post: http://hjellis.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/how-many-ways-can-one-journey-go-wrong but once on Philly my attention shifted from my complaining to having a great time in a new and exciting city!

Friday night was spent at the Hard Rock Cafe in my new Wal-Mart dress whilst Saturday morning was taken up with lots of laughter and photographs at the Rocky steps - particularly once Flats got there and had to don a fleece lined tracksuit to copy Sly's famous scenes!

We chose to head to the stadium really early as we wanted to witness the American phenomenon of "tailgating" - an interesting experience I must say!

We covered the car with Sarries flags to let everyone know who we were (Champions of Europe, we know who we are!) and waited to see who showed up. We knew of at least 3 groups headed our way, one of whom pitched up a gazebo so we quickly transferred the flags to the sides and made it Camp Sarries!

The next hour or so was spent sharing drinks and swapping stories of how we started following Saracens along with some interesting tales from the US Navy! We were joined by some Falcons fans and I had some sympathetic ears to my tale of horror and woe from my journey out as they had missed a connection at JFK thanks to the ridiculous chaos that is US Customs & Immigration!!

We were invited to join the BT crew again and so wandered over to the fan zone they were setting up, where I got to have my 5 minutes of fame on camera! (And then get inundated with notifications going "was that you?" "You were on my TV!")

Heading in to the stadium it was a strange place that distinctly reminded us of several prem stadiums, predominately the AJ Bell and the Stoop to me.

The merchandise shop showcased just what some of us are crying out for Sarries to do - women's jewellery!! I picked up one of the official match day t-shirts as a souvenir but was disappointed not to find any of the 'America Series' rugby balls that had been used in the online advertising. We did however manage to find pins which kept Adam happy!

I also struggled with finding a drink that wasn't a soft drink or beer! Having had 2 bottles of peach cider courtesy of our naval friend I was in the mood for another drink. It took a complete circuit of the stadium to find the one bar that did a bottled cider - no wine or spirits options anywhere!! And even then I was given my bottle of cider poured into a massive larger-than-a-pint plastic glass that every time I drank from took up my entire face so I couldn't see anything!!

During the match it was a bizarrely quiet experience, I've grown used to the Sarries fans getting the chants going and there not being many of us meant anything we tried starting never really went anywhere which was a bit embarrassing!

The second half of the game saw several of the non-playing squad wander past us up the steps to their box area, Loz seemed positive about his shoulder injury when I asked him how it was doing which is good! There were some moments of Sarries brilliance showing through, I nearly killed my vocal chords screaming for Wiggy when he went sprinting towards the try line at one point!

Towards the end of the game I head over to the guys to see if they would be willing to have a quick photo with us and the flags, seeing as we had travelled rather a long way to support the club!! At this point the lovely Duncan Taylor was an absolute gent and got the others to hold fire for a few minutes on the final whistle to let us get a few snaps off quickly before they 'll hurtled down to the changing rooms for the tiki tonga session!

Sadly the game had been so hot, humid and exhausting that the lads only briefly waved and applauded the crowd on their quick circuit of the pitch, leaving me fairly deflated and my mind crashing back to that dark place I'd been in after the Edinburgh game in May.

We got out of the stadium fairly quickly after we realised they weren't going to be around any time soon due to PR commitments and probably a vast need for ice baths and physio treatments! Heading back to the hotel fairly knackered and finally reunited with a phone charger I was taken aback when the humid heat very suddenly gave way to a torrential downpour, the likes of which I've only ever seen once in Florida!

Getting back to the hotel I couldn't actually get out my side of the car due to the mini lake forming and had to slide over out the other door instead, suddenly encountering the strangest of sensations - hot rain! The air was still so warm and yet the water was pouring down at a rate of knots!! Very bizarre to an English girl used to rain meaning grey miserableness!

The return to the hotel also brought the unwelcome news that my suitcase hadn't shown up and so a call to the lost baggage number was needed in order to discover that it was in New York and should be getting to me that evening.

After a few hours of unwinding, dreading all the social media messages I'd received about my starring role and generally sorting out plans for the next day I headed off to bed via a quick check with downstairs that my bag still hadn't arrived.

The next morning dawned cooler and grey than before and there was a distinct feeling of dread in my stomach as I woke. Checking my Virgin Atlantic app to confirm when I needed to be at the airport I was horrified to see that my flight home was no longer what I had expected to see!

The flights I'd been booked on for months going home via JFK were no longer there and suddenly I was being flown home via Atlanta Georgia with Delta the whole way getting to Heathrow at 11am!!!

What the hell!!!

A frantic call to Virgin discovered that Delta had inexplicably changed my flights for me and just hadn't bothered to let me know! In tears and furious I demand it be changed back only to be told that my flight to Heathrow was now fully booked!! So in the 48hours between me last checking my homeward bound flight and that morning they'd sold on my seat!!!

I was beyond furious and internally panicking like a man at the gallows, how the hell was I getting home?!? I didnt want to go via Georgia, i barely wanted to go via JFK but had accepted it as a forgone conclusion. The last thing I wanted was more changes, more crap moving me about! I was supposed to go straight to work from landing at Heathrow which is why I'd picked at flight landing at 8am!!

Well, actually originally I'd picked one landing at 7.20am only for Delta to move the first flight later meaning I wouldn't have enough of a connecting time so I'd had to call Virgin back in July to switch to a slightly later departure. And now the bastards at Delta had changed things again!

Eventually we managed to get me on to a flight leaving JFK at 9.30pm, due to get to London around 9.30am. Okay, sorted. Now to find out where the hell my suitcase was!

It turns out it was still (this is Sunday 8am) in frigging JFK having gotten waylaid in customs and missed the last flight on Saturday!! So now my choice was to either ask for it to be returned to London and buy a new hold bag to put all my newly purchased items into to come home or to travel to the airport after 11am to collect it from there in person as there was now no time for it to be delivered to the hotel and me to pack it before we had to check out at 1pm!! I told them to hold it at Philly airport and we would come collect it before midday.

Flights and luggage now sorted we had breakfast and then got on the road to go see the Liberty Bell. It wasn't something that particularly interested me, I look on the independence stuff as historical proof of treason against the crown by a bunch of rebels but that's just me!

We spent some time wandering around the area and I found a way to spend some money in the Liberty hall shop - only I could go all the way to America to their most historical sites and come back with a glitter timer and a maths pendant!

Still, I did have a good laugh at this sign on one of the walls - I've found things older than that in my garden at home!!

A quick visit to the airport to collect my suitcase and we were back to the hotel to change and pack up. I could finally wear one of the outfits I had packed for the trip as everything else got thrown in and locked up again ready to go back to the airport!!

Dennys was our lunch stop choice and it was an interesting experience although I am very glad I went for the big meal of steak and mash given what was to come still!

I got dropped at the airport just after 2pm by the Feaseys as they were off to the British Airways terminal for international departure as they had just the one flight home, where as I was on an internal to JFK where I had a 3hr layover waiting for me!

The check in for my Delta flight threw up an unexpected problem however as their system was still showing me as on the Atlanta bound flight!! Another call to Virgin and handing my phone over to the Delta staff and eventually I got my boarding passes for the right flights!

Suitcase was now back out of my hands less than 4 hours after I'd been reunited with it and I was through security and sat at the gates bored.

Really really bored.

After all the stress and problems last time I'd given myself so much slack time that I was now left with over 90mins to my flight departure and nothing to do! I managed to waste a fair amount of time by finding a charge point and hooking my phone in before calling my mum and then my dad for long chats about the match but that would only work for this wait, by the time I got to JFK they would all be in bed.

The flight to New York was uneventful really, apart from being unexpectedly placed on an exit row! When we landed there was a delay with getting the connecting gate bridge thing to us and I joked to my neighbour that we were spending more time in the plane on the ground at JFK than we did in the air! He was headed for a Heathrow flight to as he was taking a trip to the UK so I shared some suggestions with him of historical sites to visit while there which he seemed to appreciate.

Finally off the plane I found myself at the gate for my next flight in about 30 minutes as there was no security to go through! Now I could see that the flight was already saying a 10pm departure so I had even longer to wait!

And this is where my luck changed.

Wandering around the gate area for the London departing flights who should I see in front of me but one Chris Wyles!

Oh my God, the team are here to fly home!!!

I couldn't believe it, suddenly I'm seeing and saying hi to guys like Wyles, Ben Spencer, Sean Maitland! I even had a brief chat with Sean saying how I thought it's unfair that he doesn't get the try to his tally as JP gave the penalty try because he could see Sean was clearly going to score when the illegal move was made! He agreed and told me he'd been screaming at Goodey to get it to him as he could see he could score it!

I had thought I was going to be so lonely and bored but instead I got this amazing gift of being able to casually spend some time with my favourite people!!

I didn't take any pictures that evening, I made a concious choice to not be a selfie fan who hassled them at that stage but to just talk to them for as long as they let me. Any time one of them said "take care" or "see you later" I would wander off again and leave that person alone. I think one or two of them found it bizarre and I know that a few found it amusing, I was outrightly saying that I was on my own and starved for conversation so was desperate just to see familiar faces! It was quite nice though when some of those faces recognised me back, I'd had a great conversation with Wiggy and his missus at the Bedford game so he recognised me as we chatted briefly, Brad also recognised me from holding the flag up at the end of the game, even saying sorry for not coming over but he was too sore to try to jump the electronics barrier the stadium had separating us from the pitch!

One of the best moments of my whole weekend came though when I saw Billy walking towards me. I asked him directly why he couldn't have released his new book in time for me to read on the flight to which he replied that he thought it was already out!!! No Bill, it's on sale next week! Then, the legend that he is goes and finds me one from one of the lads as they've all been given a copy!! I have Billy's book and it was given to me by the man himself!!!

I was so happy with this and even more so when some of the other players saw me carrying it and struck up conversation about it with me!! George Kruis even joked that it wouldn't take me long to read as it was in big font! Maro was also interested in it when I asked to shake his hand, as I told him, I didn't want to hassle any of them but I'd been trying to shake his hand for well over a year now with little success due to the massive crowds everywhere he goes!!

Maro was an absolute gentleman and had a wry, slightly embarrassed smile when I said that but was really chilled out about me being there talking to him and the others. Most of the team had started filtering through the gate by this point as their flight left ages before mine (Wiggy and Sean had both asked if I was on their flight which I was a bit gutted to say no to!) I made the mistake of asking for "tries to win next week please" in jest to Wyles and Liam as they were going to board and ahead in the queue Owen suddenly turned around to look at me - I'm not sure if he was just surprised by a non-teammate voice or took offence to what I said - I didn't mean anything against him scoring points from penalties!!

Watching some of the huge guys like Will Skelton put flight socks on and line up for sleeping tablets from the harried Laura was amusing, Goodey seemed in an especially happy mood given the lengthy flight ahead!

The funniest moment though was right at the end, I had thought the whole squad had been through by that point and I'd just missed seeing a few, the staff were looking like they were moving to close when suddenly several of them appear armed with McDonald's!! Schalla seemed to recognise me immediately as he sat down with his meal, joking away about the queue for food and laughing when I asked if they hadn't used the "don't you know who I am?" move! Apparently that barely works in England for our rugby boys!! The guys suddenly seemed to realise they were holding up the flight leaving when a staff member came to tell them that they could take their food on board if they wanted to! That didn't stop Schalla trying to give away his fries to the cleaner/me/the gate staff however!!!

As their gate finally closed and that flight departed I was left alone again but with rich, treasured memories of the past hour.

Unfortunately by this point it was far too late to call anyone in England to share them with!! A few dashed off tweets expressing my gratitude to the team before I turned my attention to Billy's book! It kept me entertained for quite a while before restlessness got to me and I had to start wandering again. Annoyingly my flight was now saying it was delayed again, with boarding not due to start until 9.45pm! I was getting rather frustrated at this point, especially as the main reason I wasn't on the team's flight was because I'd been told back in July that I wouldn't have enough time between the flights to make it . . . I clearly would have had plenty!!!!!

Eventually we boarded and then taxied. And taxied. And taxied. Just after 11pm we finally took off and left America!!

I had hoped for a good flight that I could sleep on seeing as I was going straight to work but no. I had a guy in front put his chair back straight away leaving me with restricted room, the guy next to me immediately put in earplugs/eye mask/blanket and go to sleep so I couldn't get out at all and two rows back in the aisle a screaming baby!!

By 9am BST, when I should have started work, when I would have been clearing Heathrow baggage claim originally I was still 617miles from landing and really rather grouchy!!

Still, as the rather stressful trip drew to a close I can look back on some incredible memories and, once my various complaints have been made and settled, forget all about the crap that happened and just remember that I was there and no-one can every take that away from me.

#SarriesStateside
#SarriesInPhilly🇺🇸🖤❤

My city, my heart

We all knew it would happen one day, deep in our hearts we'd begun to consider it an inevitable part of modern life, 'when' not 'if' and a cold dread of waiting to see just how bad the final toll will be.

My heart aches for my city. I may not have lived there since 1995 but London will always and forever be my city; I learnt to count by stops on the Tube, to appreciate nature by time spent in the royal parks, to love history by regular trips to the museums, palace, tower. I lived and breathed the richness of our culture through my neighbours, classmates and family friends.

I've spent a fair amount of time in the Westminster corner of London. Long before my involvement in the Westminster Autism Commission I was familiar with the area, having spent many hours wandering the circuit of The Mall, Whitehall and Birdcage Walk. Its a part of London that gives me a deep sense of connection like no other, where I feel really at home amongst our wonderful history.

I don't need to 'hope' that London will heal and recover from this tragedy, I know it will. I know London and I know Londoners, this will hurt and it will resonate but it will not defeat, it will not divide. London does not cower, London does not flee, we put the kettle on and get on with life, we always have. The Blitz didn't defeat us, the IRA attacks of the 80s and 90s didn't defeat us, the 7/7 attacks in 2005 didn't defeat us. A single man with a car and a knife will not defeat us.

Yesterday I cried for my city, today I miss my city, tomorrow I will travel to my city. And for the rest of my life I will love and be proud of my city.


#LondonForever

Thirty years and six nations!

So endeth the manic period of my life that was my 30th birthday, and it couldn't have ended better! Well, okay, it would have been a bit better if England hadn't been flummoxed by the Azzurri's tactics for so long and if Faz had a bit more accurate a day at the tee!


A day out at HQ is always something a bit special; the very nature of game day is just brilliant fun, the streets between the tube station and the stadium lined with stalls like the biggest most-British street party ever!


I'd never been lucky enough to go to an England test match before, my only experience of the national team being a Baa-Baas game a few years ago. Its unreal. I thought I'd got the full HQ experience when I went to the Premiership final back in May but my god do they go to town when the Nations roll up!


Of course there were times I struggled with the day, its part and parcel of being autistic that eventually the sensory aspect will catch up with me and have consequences but a day like Sunday is one that is completely worth it. All in all, despite the drunken idiot sat next to me (not my father, the other side!) and the slightly bizarre nature of the game, I had the most incredible end to my 30th birthday week - note 'week' not 'celebration' - that's going to be rolling on until the '30 Games for 30 Birthdays' is completed in May!

Why I love Nigel Owens

I have a natural instinct to trust sportspeople - I don't mean any one who plays sport, but anyone I classify as a 'sportsperson', anyone I see as having the qualities of true sportsmanship: integrity, honesty, passion, dedication, respect and humility. The kind of person who would 'walk' if they know they were caught out, who would stand and take the telling off from the official that's half their size, who would applaud a genuinely fantastic piece of play from an opposition side, who would never even dream of simulating or trying to escalate trouble.


I have a lot of love for the game of rugby; I see the qualities of sportsmanship in many, many of the players in the top tiers and the creeping edge of football style simulation and crowd baying for cards is mildly concerning to me. What stops this being a full-blown worry though is the presence of referees like Nigel Owens.


Nigel Owens is one of my heroes, he is widely respected in the world of rugby as one of the best officials; accurate and sure of his own decisions without needing to go to the TMO every thirty seconds, and yet willing to be honest and upfront when he makes a (rare) mistake. He speaks to the players clearly and concisely, never being vague about his rulings. He controls the games with a firm hand but with a dry wit, never mean or harshly biting, just genuinely funny at times!


 "The football stadium is 500 yards that way…"


I think the main appeal to me here is the manner in which he goes about his job; it appeals to me as an autistic person because he is so clear in his decision making, so set in the way he wants things do, so in charge and unwilling to be intimidated by anyone.


I don't know if its the brilliant one-liners like his "I'm straighter than that!" quip about a dodgy line-out or the awe-inspiring way he lays down the law to the huge 8ft/40 stone monsters around him but he is without a doubt one my favourite sportsmen of this generation and a name I am always happy to see on a match day line-up. Even if he is Welsh.


“I’m not like some refs who could quote you the number of the law, with or without the brackets, of course I know them. But knowing the laws too well and technically applying those laws, well you’ll never have a game of rugby. You’ve got to have a bit of empathy as well.”

My resounding memory of 2016

My resounding memory of 2016 will be of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.

It's been a year of staring as news rolled in of Trump's victory, the Brexit result, he murder of Jo Cox, the deaths of Prince/David Bowie/Alan Rickman/Carrie Fisher, the awful events in Brussels/Nice/Orlando and all round the world.

Luckily those horrible moments have also been countered with a different type of shocked disbelief for some wonderfully happy things like England's 3-0 whitewash of the Wallabies, Bryony Page's silver medal in trampolining and Saracens becoming Champions of Europe, as well as the genuine 'what the hell' version of shocked disbelief when Froome had to run up a hill in France and the Keirin gold medal race got reset twice!!

So, yeah, 2016, the year of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.

End of an era

It's funny how little inconsequential things can really affect you at times.

I'm on my last trip on my current passport. When I get back I'm sending it off for renewal ahead of my NY trip in March; something I'm incredibly excited for.

And yet I'm heartbroken.

That passport has been to hell and back with me, I got it in 2006 ahead of a family holiday to Egypt, back then I was only self-diagnosed and still studying astrophysics!

That passport has gained me entry to Egypt, San Francisco, Athens, Lisbon, Malta and more. It's been through a degree change, a life validating assessment, a graduation, and numerous other important events.

When I got that passport I lived at home, my paternal grandfather was alive and well, my mum was a single divorcee and my sister was just a primary school child.

Now I'm in my own flat, my grandmother has been a widow for a number of years, my mum is happily married to my stepfather and my sister has just started her university degree to become a midwife!

It's difficult to put into words just what handing over that passport will mean to me; I know I get it back but it's very much like an end of an era. This is truly the last vestiges of childhood being lost as this new passport I will be paying for myself - the first time I have had to, and it will be the one that lasts me through my 30s.

I struggle to grasp the concept of what life may be like in 10 years time when I have to renew my passport again. Will it involve the same nostalgia and odd emotions? What stamps will this one have collected? I already know there will be a Department of Homeland Security one in there come March but where else will the next 10 years take me? Will that passport even last me the full 10 years? By that time I may have a new married surname or a new title should I have earned my PhD by then!

All I know at the moment is that you can't remain in the past and you shouldn't worry for the future excessively. What will happen will happen at its own pace and at the end of the day we may all be vaporised tomorrow by Vogons anyway!

An inspiring week

Everyone has weeks that are tough, weeks that you wish would end already or never have happened, weeks that just make life seem so grey and rubbish.

This was not one of those weeks for me.

I am so lucky to have the opportunities I do in my life; to be able to stand in front of a crowd in Westminster and have them listen to what I have to say, to be able to see my family so often, to be able to share moments with people I love, and to get to meet some truly inspirational people.

Meeting Henry Fraser at his incredible art exhibition 'Hand to Mouth' was one of the most significant moments of recent times for me; he is someone that doesn't just inspire me but reminds me of the important things in life - to focus on "what you can do, not what you cant do". To have the opportunity to get to thank him in person for being a continual source of positivity has made me reaffirm my vow to not get caught up in the negative of life, but to continue to find ways to see the strengths in disappointment and to improve as a person with every knock-back or failure.

This week has been a phenomenal one for finding hope for the future thanks to the wealth of sport on TV; witnessing Andy Murray win Wimbledon again, watching Chris Froome's brilliant descent sprint to the Yellow jersey, seeing Yates and Cav in the White and Green jerseys, all these marvellous things give me such enjoyment and passion for British sport again - let's cheer Froomey on to victory in Paris in 14 days and then its time to bring on Rio!!

More than anything I hope that the sense of positivity coming out of British sport rights now will help to lift this country out of the funk its been in recently and start to unite and heal our people; the world is in a sorry state right now, but as some wonderful people have reminded me lately - even the hardest of adversities can be overcome with the right mental attitude and a willingness to accept what cannot be changed.

Its a generation thing

I am so goddamn lucky to be the age I am - I grew up watching Will Carling, the Underwood boys and Jerry Guscott on my TV as a child, got to witness history in the making as a teenager watching Johnno, Wilkinson and the boys in Aus do the impossible thanks to ITV, and now as an adult venturing into actually being at the games in person I get to see the marvellous talent that is Itoje, Kruis, Farrell and co go from strength to strength.


Musically I wish I'd been born 20 years earlier, technologically I cant help feeling the next 50 years are going to be the place to live in, but sport wise I'm definitely in the exact generation I want to belong to!