So endeth the manic period of my life that was my 30th birthday, and it couldn't have ended better! Well, okay, it would have been a bit better if England hadn't been flummoxed by the Azzurri's tactics for so long and if Faz had a bit more accurate a day at the tee!
A day out at HQ is always something a bit special; the very nature of game day is just brilliant fun, the streets between the tube station and the stadium lined with stalls like the biggest most-British street party ever!
I'd never been lucky enough to go to an England test match before, my only experience of the national team being a Baa-Baas game a few years ago. Its unreal. I thought I'd got the full HQ experience when I went to the Premiership final back in May but my god do they go to town when the Nations roll up!
Of course there were times I struggled with the day, its part and parcel of being autistic that eventually the sensory aspect will catch up with me and have consequences but a day like Sunday is one that is completely worth it. All in all, despite the drunken idiot sat next to me (not my father, the other side!) and the slightly bizarre nature of the game, I had the most incredible end to my 30th birthday week - note 'week' not 'celebration' - that's going to be rolling on until the '30 Games for 30 Birthdays' is completed in May!
Monday, 27 February 2017
Friday, 17 February 2017
Autism Fatigue vs lots of exciting plans!
I've talked about the concept of Autism Fatigue before but it's never been more obvious to me than when I have a period of time like I'm currently in. I'm 9 days into a crazily busy 18 day stretch and already I've had to cancel 3 different plans out of the 18 things I've got in the diary (and that's not including the standard going to work next week!) I should note that I am incredibly lucky to have be given the opportunities I have and I am very grateful for the support of my university tutor, my family and the staff involved in the various work I've been contracted to recently.
I had to cancel certain things this past week because I was having to make choices between standing by plans I'd committed to and the need to protect my own health - mental and physical. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from a nasty virus last week or that I've managed to pick up a cold along the way to join the fun. My point is that just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should; those decisions have to be made on a day by day basis and that unfortunately means letting people down at the last minute sometimes.
Most people have been fairly understanding recently, having a virus that's leaves you with dizzy spells and nausea is understandable to most people. Certainly a lot more understandable than Autism Fatigue is.
Trying to get people to understand the concept of social overload or the need to conserve energy for a more important commitment the next day is difficult. A lot of people still don't understand how draining social activities can be - even if I'm enjoying them immensely!
It's true that the satisfaction I get from doing things can give a boost to my flagging energy levels it's rarely enough to compensate for the losses due to sensory environment and stress.
I hope as time moves forward and more of us are talking about these concepts that society as a whole becomes more aware and more forgiving of our needs. I've had to plan these few weeks so very carefully to ensure that I make it to the end still in one piece and still able to enjoy my final event - England vs Italy in the 6Nations at Twickenham - a hell of a way to finish off my 30th birthday week!!
I had to cancel certain things this past week because I was having to make choices between standing by plans I'd committed to and the need to protect my own health - mental and physical. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from a nasty virus last week or that I've managed to pick up a cold along the way to join the fun. My point is that just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should; those decisions have to be made on a day by day basis and that unfortunately means letting people down at the last minute sometimes.
Most people have been fairly understanding recently, having a virus that's leaves you with dizzy spells and nausea is understandable to most people. Certainly a lot more understandable than Autism Fatigue is.
Trying to get people to understand the concept of social overload or the need to conserve energy for a more important commitment the next day is difficult. A lot of people still don't understand how draining social activities can be - even if I'm enjoying them immensely!
It's true that the satisfaction I get from doing things can give a boost to my flagging energy levels it's rarely enough to compensate for the losses due to sensory environment and stress.
I hope as time moves forward and more of us are talking about these concepts that society as a whole becomes more aware and more forgiving of our needs. I've had to plan these few weeks so very carefully to ensure that I make it to the end still in one piece and still able to enjoy my final event - England vs Italy in the 6Nations at Twickenham - a hell of a way to finish off my 30th birthday week!!
Sunday, 29 January 2017
30 Games for 30 Birthdays!
I'm now over the halfway mark of my "30 Games for 30 Birthdays" challenge, as was set to me by family back in the summer.
The challenge is fairly simple in theory - attend 30 Saracens games in the 2016/17 season, and get a photograph containing myself, at least one other person and the match programme for each one.
So far I've been to 16 games, travelled over 2100 miles, spend over a thousand pounds and have had the most phenomenal time!
I've watched some brilliant moments of rugby but I've also borne witness to some brilliantly hilarious moments of rugby supporters! From the wonderful musical pre-game experience in Toulon to the drunken curry based antics in Bristol, its been at times an almost overwhelming mix of social experiences but I have loved it all!
I've been lucky enough to share this experience with the most amazing group of people in the Saracens supporters - it truly is like a sprawling, bizarre, family where you'll rarely encounter someone who doesn't know at least one other person you know, and where everyone looks out for each other and makes sure that a good time is being had by all!
I'm so grateful to have had the chance to shake the hands of greats, to have taken photos of superstars and to have persuaded exhausted, but victorious, legends to hold up a flag for a photo! (Thanks Schalk and Jamie!)
As I approach the infamous birthday, I can't help but wonder what the 'second half' of this challenge will hold; trips to Worcester, Newcastle and Wembley and a whole host of home games. To achieve the full 30 games using only Saracens matches I will need us to reach the finals of the European Champions Cup *and* the Aviva Premiership. A doable event, seeing as we currently hold both those trophies, but still it's going to be a nail-biting race to the end!
Bring it on!
The challenge is fairly simple in theory - attend 30 Saracens games in the 2016/17 season, and get a photograph containing myself, at least one other person and the match programme for each one.
So far I've been to 16 games, travelled over 2100 miles, spend over a thousand pounds and have had the most phenomenal time!
I've watched some brilliant moments of rugby but I've also borne witness to some brilliantly hilarious moments of rugby supporters! From the wonderful musical pre-game experience in Toulon to the drunken curry based antics in Bristol, its been at times an almost overwhelming mix of social experiences but I have loved it all!
I've been lucky enough to share this experience with the most amazing group of people in the Saracens supporters - it truly is like a sprawling, bizarre, family where you'll rarely encounter someone who doesn't know at least one other person you know, and where everyone looks out for each other and makes sure that a good time is being had by all!
I'm so grateful to have had the chance to shake the hands of greats, to have taken photos of superstars and to have persuaded exhausted, but victorious, legends to hold up a flag for a photo! (Thanks Schalk and Jamie!)
As I approach the infamous birthday, I can't help but wonder what the 'second half' of this challenge will hold; trips to Worcester, Newcastle and Wembley and a whole host of home games. To achieve the full 30 games using only Saracens matches I will need us to reach the finals of the European Champions Cup *and* the Aviva Premiership. A doable event, seeing as we currently hold both those trophies, but still it's going to be a nail-biting race to the end!
Bring it on!
Saturday, 21 January 2017
Why I love Nigel Owens
I have a natural instinct to trust sportspeople - I don't mean any one who plays sport, but anyone I classify as a 'sportsperson', anyone I see as having the qualities of true sportsmanship: integrity, honesty, passion, dedication, respect and humility. The kind of person who would 'walk' if they know they were caught out, who would stand and take the telling off from the official that's half their size, who would applaud a genuinely fantastic piece of play from an opposition side, who would never even dream of simulating or trying to escalate trouble.
I have a lot of love for the game of rugby; I see the qualities of sportsmanship in many, many of the players in the top tiers and the creeping edge of football style simulation and crowd baying for cards is mildly concerning to me. What stops this being a full-blown worry though is the presence of referees like Nigel Owens.
Nigel Owens is one of my heroes, he is widely respected in the world of rugby as one of the best officials; accurate and sure of his own decisions without needing to go to the TMO every thirty seconds, and yet willing to be honest and upfront when he makes a (rare) mistake. He speaks to the players clearly and concisely, never being vague about his rulings. He controls the games with a firm hand but with a dry wit, never mean or harshly biting, just genuinely funny at times!
"The football stadium is 500 yards that way…"
I think the main appeal to me here is the manner in which he goes about his job; it appeals to me as an autistic person because he is so clear in his decision making, so set in the way he wants things do, so in charge and unwilling to be intimidated by anyone.
I don't know if its the brilliant one-liners like his "I'm straighter than that!" quip about a dodgy line-out or the awe-inspiring way he lays down the law to the huge 8ft/40 stone monsters around him but he is without a doubt one my favourite sportsmen of this generation and a name I am always happy to see on a match day line-up. Even if he is Welsh.
“I’m not like some refs who could quote you the number of the law, with or without the brackets, of course I know them. But knowing the laws too well and technically applying those laws, well you’ll never have a game of rugby. You’ve got to have a bit of empathy as well.”
I have a lot of love for the game of rugby; I see the qualities of sportsmanship in many, many of the players in the top tiers and the creeping edge of football style simulation and crowd baying for cards is mildly concerning to me. What stops this being a full-blown worry though is the presence of referees like Nigel Owens.
Nigel Owens is one of my heroes, he is widely respected in the world of rugby as one of the best officials; accurate and sure of his own decisions without needing to go to the TMO every thirty seconds, and yet willing to be honest and upfront when he makes a (rare) mistake. He speaks to the players clearly and concisely, never being vague about his rulings. He controls the games with a firm hand but with a dry wit, never mean or harshly biting, just genuinely funny at times!
"The football stadium is 500 yards that way…"
I think the main appeal to me here is the manner in which he goes about his job; it appeals to me as an autistic person because he is so clear in his decision making, so set in the way he wants things do, so in charge and unwilling to be intimidated by anyone.
I don't know if its the brilliant one-liners like his "I'm straighter than that!" quip about a dodgy line-out or the awe-inspiring way he lays down the law to the huge 8ft/40 stone monsters around him but he is without a doubt one my favourite sportsmen of this generation and a name I am always happy to see on a match day line-up. Even if he is Welsh.
“I’m not like some refs who could quote you the number of the law, with or without the brackets, of course I know them. But knowing the laws too well and technically applying those laws, well you’ll never have a game of rugby. You’ve got to have a bit of empathy as well.”
Saturday, 31 December 2016
My resounding memory of 2016
My resounding memory of 2016 will be of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.
It's been a year of staring as news rolled in of Trump's victory, the Brexit result, he murder of Jo Cox, the deaths of Prince/David Bowie/Alan Rickman/Carrie Fisher, the awful events in Brussels/Nice/Orlando and all round the world.
Luckily those horrible moments have also been countered with a different type of shocked disbelief for some wonderfully happy things like England's 3-0 whitewash of the Wallabies, Bryony Page's silver medal in trampolining and Saracens becoming Champions of Europe, as well as the genuine 'what the hell' version of shocked disbelief when Froome had to run up a hill in France and the Keirin gold medal race got reset twice!!
So, yeah, 2016, the year of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.
It's been a year of staring as news rolled in of Trump's victory, the Brexit result, he murder of Jo Cox, the deaths of Prince/David Bowie/Alan Rickman/Carrie Fisher, the awful events in Brussels/Nice/Orlando and all round the world.
Luckily those horrible moments have also been countered with a different type of shocked disbelief for some wonderfully happy things like England's 3-0 whitewash of the Wallabies, Bryony Page's silver medal in trampolining and Saracens becoming Champions of Europe, as well as the genuine 'what the hell' version of shocked disbelief when Froome had to run up a hill in France and the Keirin gold medal race got reset twice!!
So, yeah, 2016, the year of staring at a screen in shocked disbelief.
Saturday, 15 October 2016
End of an era
It's funny how little inconsequential things can really affect you at times.
I'm on my last trip on my current passport. When I get back I'm sending it off for renewal ahead of my NY trip in March; something I'm incredibly excited for.
And yet I'm heartbroken.
That passport has been to hell and back with me, I got it in 2006 ahead of a family holiday to Egypt, back then I was only self-diagnosed and still studying astrophysics!
That passport has gained me entry to Egypt, San Francisco, Athens, Lisbon, Malta and more. It's been through a degree change, a life validating assessment, a graduation, and numerous other important events.
When I got that passport I lived at home, my paternal grandfather was alive and well, my mum was a single divorcee and my sister was just a primary school child.
Now I'm in my own flat, my grandmother has been a widow for a number of years, my mum is happily married to my stepfather and my sister has just started her university degree to become a midwife!
It's difficult to put into words just what handing over that passport will mean to me; I know I get it back but it's very much like an end of an era. This is truly the last vestiges of childhood being lost as this new passport I will be paying for myself - the first time I have had to, and it will be the one that lasts me through my 30s.
I struggle to grasp the concept of what life may be like in 10 years time when I have to renew my passport again. Will it involve the same nostalgia and odd emotions? What stamps will this one have collected? I already know there will be a Department of Homeland Security one in there come March but where else will the next 10 years take me? Will that passport even last me the full 10 years? By that time I may have a new married surname or a new title should I have earned my PhD by then!
All I know at the moment is that you can't remain in the past and you shouldn't worry for the future excessively. What will happen will happen at its own pace and at the end of the day we may all be vaporised tomorrow by Vogons anyway!
I'm on my last trip on my current passport. When I get back I'm sending it off for renewal ahead of my NY trip in March; something I'm incredibly excited for.
And yet I'm heartbroken.
That passport has been to hell and back with me, I got it in 2006 ahead of a family holiday to Egypt, back then I was only self-diagnosed and still studying astrophysics!
That passport has gained me entry to Egypt, San Francisco, Athens, Lisbon, Malta and more. It's been through a degree change, a life validating assessment, a graduation, and numerous other important events.
When I got that passport I lived at home, my paternal grandfather was alive and well, my mum was a single divorcee and my sister was just a primary school child.
Now I'm in my own flat, my grandmother has been a widow for a number of years, my mum is happily married to my stepfather and my sister has just started her university degree to become a midwife!
It's difficult to put into words just what handing over that passport will mean to me; I know I get it back but it's very much like an end of an era. This is truly the last vestiges of childhood being lost as this new passport I will be paying for myself - the first time I have had to, and it will be the one that lasts me through my 30s.
I struggle to grasp the concept of what life may be like in 10 years time when I have to renew my passport again. Will it involve the same nostalgia and odd emotions? What stamps will this one have collected? I already know there will be a Department of Homeland Security one in there come March but where else will the next 10 years take me? Will that passport even last me the full 10 years? By that time I may have a new married surname or a new title should I have earned my PhD by then!
All I know at the moment is that you can't remain in the past and you shouldn't worry for the future excessively. What will happen will happen at its own pace and at the end of the day we may all be vaporised tomorrow by Vogons anyway!
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Routine and Change
School has started back for a new academic year and the rugby season has kicked off!
I am so happy it's ridiculous.
My life can return to what stands for normal in my family. I know what I'm doing from day to day and have a regular routine again!
The thing is, for all I moan about it, I really like working in a school and having a basic timetable I can follow from day-to-day / week-to-week / term-to-term. It gives me structure in a life I deliberately try to keep very open and fluid. I've always been very fearful of having too much routine and becoming compulsive about following it. I worry that my nature is to follow automatic habits and that I would get very distressed if unable to. For this reason I like to mix up my drive home route occasionally (although it's not very long so there's not much option for change!) and vary the days of the week I do my washing/shopping/cleaning. Even following the rugby has variety in locations, days and times so not every weekend becomes repetitive.
I like variety and change and some random chaos in life, it keeps me thinking and more importantly it stops me becoming stagnant and trapped in a mundane cycle that would send me into a spiralling depression - and yes that lesson was learnt through experience!
I feel that people are too afraid of change when it comes to Autism - sometimes it's not the #ActuallyAutistic person that is rejecting the change but the people around them who are worrying about their reaction and can't cope with the additional support we need to manage the transition process.
Change and mistakes along with tears and anxiety have made me the person I am today because I experienced them, survived them and ultimately learned from them.
Don't stifle someone because of your fear, don't 'protect' someone from the normal everyday nature of the world that throws changes and chaos around like fake snow at Christmas. The world will never stop being the way it is and while there is sense in routine and planning there must also be wisdom in recognising that some things cannot be planned for or made to be regular. It will not always be dry when you go to the doctors, the train to work/school will not always arrive at 08.34 precisely, the recipe for Fanta may not always remain the same.
We do not stay the same as human beings throughout life, we grow and change and mature and decay. Life is, by its very nature, never static and never 100% predictable. The human mind, autistic or not, needs to be able to cope with that concept and learn that there are many many things we simply cannot control and the best way to do this is to look to nature. Science teaches us that we don't know more than we know and even what we know now may not be what we know tomorrow.
So my motto for September is very much "lets get back to normal" but also a hefty dose of "embrace the chaos" - let's see what the month brings!
I am so happy it's ridiculous.
My life can return to what stands for normal in my family. I know what I'm doing from day to day and have a regular routine again!
The thing is, for all I moan about it, I really like working in a school and having a basic timetable I can follow from day-to-day / week-to-week / term-to-term. It gives me structure in a life I deliberately try to keep very open and fluid. I've always been very fearful of having too much routine and becoming compulsive about following it. I worry that my nature is to follow automatic habits and that I would get very distressed if unable to. For this reason I like to mix up my drive home route occasionally (although it's not very long so there's not much option for change!) and vary the days of the week I do my washing/shopping/cleaning. Even following the rugby has variety in locations, days and times so not every weekend becomes repetitive.
I like variety and change and some random chaos in life, it keeps me thinking and more importantly it stops me becoming stagnant and trapped in a mundane cycle that would send me into a spiralling depression - and yes that lesson was learnt through experience!
I feel that people are too afraid of change when it comes to Autism - sometimes it's not the #ActuallyAutistic person that is rejecting the change but the people around them who are worrying about their reaction and can't cope with the additional support we need to manage the transition process.
Change and mistakes along with tears and anxiety have made me the person I am today because I experienced them, survived them and ultimately learned from them.
Don't stifle someone because of your fear, don't 'protect' someone from the normal everyday nature of the world that throws changes and chaos around like fake snow at Christmas. The world will never stop being the way it is and while there is sense in routine and planning there must also be wisdom in recognising that some things cannot be planned for or made to be regular. It will not always be dry when you go to the doctors, the train to work/school will not always arrive at 08.34 precisely, the recipe for Fanta may not always remain the same.
We do not stay the same as human beings throughout life, we grow and change and mature and decay. Life is, by its very nature, never static and never 100% predictable. The human mind, autistic or not, needs to be able to cope with that concept and learn that there are many many things we simply cannot control and the best way to do this is to look to nature. Science teaches us that we don't know more than we know and even what we know now may not be what we know tomorrow.
So my motto for September is very much "lets get back to normal" but also a hefty dose of "embrace the chaos" - let's see what the month brings!
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